


68 Intricacies

by Violet_Abilene



Series: 68 Intricacies [1]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: A bit of every genre almost, F/M, One Shot Collection, One Word Prompt Meme, Romance, Some angst, Some friendship, Some young Royai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2017-12-08 12:26:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 24,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/761290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violet_Abilene/pseuds/Violet_Abilene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At fourteen years old, Riza Hawkeye considered herself to be an ant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 68 one-shots based off Roy and Riza's intricate relationship.

Ants are small creatures that, upon first glance, don't seem like much. They are small, considered to be bothersome by most, and appear to be very weak. It's a mystery of nature why there are so many of them; they don't appear to do anything that warrants the need of their population numbers. Most don't think about ants in their everyday lives and most don't notice their existence.

It was most likely for that reason that, at fourteen years old, Riza Hawkeye considered herself to be one.

Riza, in both height and weight, was small, more so than most girls her age. She didn't have enough fingers on her hand or toes on her feet to count the number of times she would be called a bother or some variation of the word by her father. While Riza wasn't an ant when it came to population, it was true that most didn't think about her or acknowledge her much (if the word "most" is used to refer to her father, that is). Yes, almost every part about an ant (and, by comparison, Riza) that people assumed was the truth from just its appearance was just that: the truth. If there is, however, anything that is deceitful about an ant's appearance, that would have to be its strength. While ants appear to be very weak, they are actually capable of carrying things that weigh twice as much as they do or even more. That amount of strength could also be said of Riza internally. While she wasn't the strongest physically (she attributed that to her small size), she liked to think that she was perhaps a bit more resilient or thick-skinned than most people her age. That was, she thought, the only good thing about her home life; you grow a tough skin when you practically have to fend for yourself.

There was one last thing that Riza and ants have in common. This last similarity, while far fetched upon first hearing it, is the most important one in Riza's view. Even if Riza wasn't so small, useless and forgettable, this last shared trait would still be there.

It's the fact that both ants and Riza carry heavy burdens on their backs.

For ants, that's how they carry the small crumbs of food they find. They get them on their backs (how they manage that is a mystery Riza will probably never know) and crawl along their path back to their ant hill. For ants, it's in their nature, an action that is put into their brains and instincts to do from the time they're born. Riza, however, wasn't born to carry her burden. Unlike the ant, Riza went through the first decade of her life without knowing how to carry something so much heavier than her. Then, one day, the same man who had called her bothersome, the same man who hadn't had a use for her, suddenly found her to be of some worth.

At eleven years old, Riza had, to her father, the same amount of worth as paper.

Her father had basically branded her, marring her back with a tattoo made of red ink, bits of Riza's dried blood that had sprouted during the excruciating process, and secrets. It seemed the latter was the part that made the completely weightless tattoo feel like it weighed a thousand pounds. The secrets were her burden and, for a time, she considered ants lucky. At least ants had someone to help them when their load became too heavy for just themselves to carry (which, now that the young girl thought about it, could be the reason why there were so many of them). Riza had nobody.

That is, until Roy Mustang came into the picture.

When he came along only six months after she was given the tattoo, she found that, as she got to know him, she wouldn't mind giving him the secrets to flame alchemy one day. She trusted him and knew that he wouldn't do anything terrible with them. He often told her of the things he wanted to do, how he wanted to go into the military one day and use alchemy in that pursuit. With each explanation of his dreams, Riza found that her burden was slowly becoming lighter. Unbeknownst to him, Roy was helping Riza carry the secrets on her back. It seemed, finally, that Riza had another ant to help her, which relieved her. It relieved her because she was afraid that, had someone else not have come along to help her, she would be crushed by the weight of her particular burden.

Mostly, though, she was relieved that it was Roy helping her with the heft of secrets the array brought with it. She knew that he would never let the details of it, which had caused _her_ pain, be used to cause anyone else pain.

Of that much, Riza was certain.


	2. Blinded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was the thing about being blinded: in order to make new memories, you have to rely heavily on the older ones.

**AN: This takes place after the Promised Day but before Roy makes the deal with Dr. Marco to get his sight back, which is why I make some of the references that I do. Anyways, enjoy!**

It never ceased to amaze Roy Mustang just how calm things can be after a catastrophe.

Take this night, for example. This was the night after the Promised Day, an event that was undoubtedly one of the most hellish experiences Roy had ever gone through. Despite all of the terror and bloodshed that daylight had brought, it was with the arrival of night that a strange, nearly peaceful feeling was gained. It was a deceptive type of peace, however, a peace that suggested that the entire day had been just like the night, that everything had been right with the world on this day.

Roy knew that wasn't the case. The day hadn't been peaceful at all. He had the eternal dark clouding his vision to prove it.

The memories of how he had ended up that way are still scarily vivid in his mind. He remembers being placed upon the transmutation circle by Pride and Wrath, the blue light working in a frenzy around him, the utter pain that shot through his body. He remembers that stark white place, that white figure with the large, macabre smile. He remembers the doorway behind this figure, a pattern etched onto it that Roy had seen before, for the same pattern was etched on the skin of the one person he holds the closest to him, the one person he can't afford to lose. Then, he remembers being pushed into the darkness that was still holding him captive. These memories, though, weren't the only ones that made his heart rate increase and made him nearly sick with re-imagined worry.

The other memories from this day are that of what happened to Riza Hawkeye.

He remembers seeing her fall after her neck was slit, her ruby blood spilling onto the floor. He remembers her eyes, strong and determined to send him an unspoken message but also dull and fragile, like she was barely hanging onto her consciousness. He remembers his thoughts as he ran to her, worry and panic mixing together perfectly.

_'Please, don't die, Riza, please still be alive. You can't leave before I do, I **need** you, don't you know that? Please please PLEASE stay with me!'_

He remembers the flood of pure relief that filled his chest as he held Riza in his arms, burying her face in her hair before thanking May Chang for performing the alkahestry that had saved Riza's life. What he remembers the clearest is her voice after she had opened her eyes.

_"You understood my eye signals. I don't know how you did...but I'm glad."_

He remembers this because of what he had _wanted_ to say to her in reply, what response his mind had already formed.

_'Of course I understood them, Riza. I love you, after all.'_

He couldn't say that, though. Not now, not here. Instead, he went for the other response he had formed, one that was also true and one that he could say in that situation.

_"We've been together a long time. I know that glare. It means 'Use human transmutation and I'll shoot you'."_

Roy smiled slightly as this memory. That was the one that always brought him back to reality, the one that reminded him that Riza was OK, that she was in the same hospital room as him, sleeping in a bed not too far away from his own.

The one thing about remembering these events, however, is that it only enhanced Roy's desire to see her again. If, by some miracle, he was given the opportunity to regain his sight, he would jump at it. It wouldn't just be for his own selfish desires, of course; even with the Hawk's Eyes to help him, he couldn't be a very effective leader if he was blind. Still, he'd be the first to admit that the chance to once again see Riza's warm, rare smiles, to see her beautiful, kind eyes, to just see her beauty in general, would be one of his top motives to regaining his sight.

Roy sighed quietly, hoping his sudden sound wouldn't wake Riza from the sleep she needed. He knew that the strength of his desire would fade over time. It most likely would never fully go away, no matter how well-adjusted he got to being without his sight, but it wouldn't be so heavy on his mind as it was now. That didn't stop him, however, from feeling just the slightest bit defeated about it now, while he was still thinking about it.

That was the thing about being blinded: in order to make new memories, you have to rely heavily on the older ones.

Unfortunately for Roy, many of his older memories are of things he'd much rather forget.


	3. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one thing you couldn't call Roy and Riza was broken

You could call Roy and Riza many things. You could call them killers (that was the harsh truth), sinners (that was the opinion of those with faith), liars (that was only occasionally true), lovers (that was something that no could ever know was true) or dogs of the military (that was obvious), to name a few choices. There was one thing you couldn't call them, though.

What you couldn't call Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye was broken.

They were not broken, not by any means. Yes, they were shaken, bruised, battered, bent and stretched to their absolute limits but neither one was broken. While there had been many points when they thought they would crash and shatter into many painful little pieces with awful slivers attached, it never seemed to happen. You could say the reason was because of their pride or their absolute will not to break. Really, though, the strength they had to have to remain whole didn't come from something as potentially dangerous as pride or even from their own will (for they discovered long ago that not even that was able to keep them from coming undone). It came from some other place, a much more secret place and, while not all of their strength was harbored in this secret place, there is enough strength kept there in case the supply Roy and Riza do have in their own selves starts to dwindle.

The hiding place that strength chose was in the other person.

Roy had half of Riza's strength and Riza, half of Roy's. Whether they know it or not, whenever the two are together, they are taking hold of a small part of the foraged strength. They hold onto it with a desperate grip, hoping that they never let it go or that it never slips from their hands. They know exactly what'll happen if those pure and perfect reservoirs ever do fall onto the ground.

Like all fragile things, it'll break.

They'll never let that happen, though. Like Roy can't afford to lose Riza, neither of them can't afford to lose that strength. To lose that strength would only bring about dire consequences, consequences that neither of them want to think about. With that in mind, with those terrible, gut-wrenching consequences in mind, they hold onto the containers, desperate to hold them but also wary of its fragile nature. For Roy and Riza, delving into that strength a little bit a time is a matter of survival. It's a way for them to know that they're not alone in all that weighs them down inside their heads and a way for them to live with themselves for a few moments. It's a matter of keeping each other here on Earth and still a part of life.

After all, the only way that Roy and Riza could ever be considered broken is if one of them goes before the other.


	4. Burn

To say that Roy regretted burning Riza's back was an understatement. He not only regretted it but just the thought of what he did, the screams of pain that he made rip from Riza's mouth, the skin that he had made bleed angry red blood, made him sick. The fact that he had done it in Ishval, a place that had already seen enough of his flames, did absolutely nothing to assuage his guilt; if anything, it only aggravated it.

When he really thought about it, Roy knew that what made him regret that night wasn't the fact that he had burned the array. That pattern, and the things that it held, was something that mankind would be better off without, even if its destruction had come one Flame Alchemist too late. No, what made him regret that night, one of his final ones in Ishval, was the fact that, in order for its undoing to happen, he'd have to burn the person that, as a teenager, he had fallen in love with and promised to protect.

Both of them knew it was going to hurt; to think otherwise would be naïve. Still, whenever the first flame hit Riza's skin and her agonized screams began, Roy was still startled by it. It wasn't so much the fact that she did scream as much as it was the fact that, suddenly, the idea was now a painful reality: Roy Mustang had hurt Riza Hawkeye.

His thoughts, wicked in that way one's own thoughts can be, suddenly reminded him of all that he'd just done as he tended to Riza's wounds, determined to uphold his promise somehow.

'You've really done it this time. She's going to have more scars eventually, Roy. All of these wounds you're trying to patch up are going to mark her again. This time, though, you won't be able to erase them. It'll just be marks on top of marks, scars she'll always have. She practically be wearing the evidence of what you did.'

It wasn't until a few hours later, when those thoughts and more had swum around head for as long as he would let them, that he finally disclosed what he had been thinking to Riza in the form of apologies. He was sorry to have done it in the first place, sorry he put her in so much pain, sorry that she was going to have scars and marks and there was pretty much nothing he could do about it, sorry that he broke so many promises that he still wanted to keep to her, even now. He probably would've gone on until sunrise if Riza hadn't cut him off.

"Roy," she began, her voice hoarse. "I want you to remember two things. First of all, this...this was my decision. I wanted you to do this, so you have nothing to apologize to me for. The other thing you need to remember is that...whenever my father put these secrets on my back, I, or at least that part of me...was pretty much paper to him at that point. And usually, paper that holds terrible secrets almost always ends up getting burned."


	5. Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only people who die in Roy's dreams are the ones he cares about the most

Having nightmares was something that, by the time he was fifteen years old, Roy Mustang had become accustomed to. They never ceased to scare him nearly half to death and he would almost always lose sleep over them but they had long since stopped being a surprise. He'd been having them since he was seven, the first one occurring shortly after his parents had been brutally killed right before his eyes. That nightmare would be one that he had a lot, a gruesome tale that never failed to frighten him beyond belief. The nightmares, Roy would realize as he got older, were shape-shifters. They could take anybody he had or did care about and put them through systematic torture. They would injure them, make them bleed like his parents had bled. If the nightmares were feeling especially cruel, they would kill them. The terrors seemed to follow one rule and one rule only: the only people who die in Roy's dreams are the ones he cares about the most.

If he were to follow that logic, then, it shouldn't have surprised Roy that, two years into his apprenticeship with Berthold Hawkeye, one of his nightmares had featured his teacher's daughter, Riza. He had, after all, begun to care about her (although how deeply he did wasn't something he realized until the night he had the nightmare). The rules of his nightmares stated that she was to die inside his mind, whether Roy was ready to dream about it or not.

He'd never be ready for it, though. Nothing could have prepared him for what the nightmares wanted to do with Riza.

○

Riza's missing.

That's all Roy knows as he runs through the small forest that's situated near the Hawkeye household. He's been looking for her, calling her name and then falling silent as he waits for a reply, panic rising further in his chest when he receives no answer, not one sound to let him know Riza's whereabouts. He continues to tear through the forest, desperate to find her, desperate to see her alive. Finally, he sees something in the distance, a vague shape with white and gold almost radiating off of it in the dim light the stars and moon provide. He gets closer and his stomach drops when he sees that it's her, lying in a pool of her own blood. Thick stab wounds pierce her skin and dress, a white garment that Roy had often seen Riza wear. Her hair, golden blonde and shoulder length, is practically soaked with blood. Her eyes are shut, topping off just how hopeless her situation looks.

He gathers her into his arms, fear making his blood pump fast and painfully hard through his body.

"Riza...Riza, please, open your eyes!" Roy implores in a shaking voice. "You're gonna be OK, you're gonna be just fine if you just open your eyes! Please, Riza, I can't lose you! I can't! Don't you leave me, don't you dare leave me, Riza! Please, open your eyes!" His pleas break off with a sob as he finally registers that Riza isn't coming back, that she's dead and there's nothing that he can do about it. It's not enough that she's dead. No, Roy has to feel so utterly useless about it because, damn it, maybe he could've done something, maybe he could've saved her, maybe-

The nightmare suddenly dissolves when Roy is shaken awake. His eyes dart to his side and he sees her, a hand on his shoulder and a concerned look on her face. For a while, Roy just stares at her, taking in her hair, still golden blonde but graciously lacking blood, the nightgown that looks too much like the dress from the nightmare for comfort and her eyes, especially her eyes, two gleaming brown orbs that just wouldn't open a short time ago. Finally, Roy blinks and his gaze on her is broken, a slight embarrassment at his staring going through him. A moment later, he takes her hand, still resting on his shoulder, and brings her next to him, her head resting perfectly in the hollow of his neck. They are both silent for a few moments, Roy too busy taking in the comfort that Riza's soft breathing against his skin provided and Riza still trying to process the last few moments. It's Roy who finally breaks the silence, vocalizing words that he'd just spoken inside the fears of his own mind.

"I can't lose you, Riza. I can't afford to lose you."

Riza is surprised by his words but doesn't hesitate to reply.

"You're not gonna lose me. I'm OK...and I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

The two stay like this for the rest of the night, Riza's hand still in Roy's while his other arm his draped loosely around her waist, the small amount of contact enough to reassure Roy that she's still there, that she's still safe and alive.

Roy doesn't know that, in fourteen years, he'll be saying those words again. He'll say those words again in a reality that very well should've been nightmare, not too long after he almost loses himself to a powerful creature called "fear" but shortly before the nightmare of that night very nearly came completely true. He doesn't know and neither does she, so the words remain only two things for now: As utterances of love's first unknown, unsure steps and as the simple realization that Roy Mustang cares for Riza Hawkeye a bit more than he should.


	6. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't have my only company catching a cold."

"You know, Riza, you don't have to stay up with me. You can go to bed if you want."

This wasn't the first time that Roy had said that to his master's daughter. For the past few nights, Riza had been coming into his room while he either worked or studied, at first claiming that it was because of insomnia but later admitting that she did it out of her own desire to keep him company. While he appreciated her presence and how inexplicably calming he found it could be to him, he couldn't help but he concerned over Riza's sleep schedule. She'd often come into his room at around ten or so and not leave until Roy either went to bed or finished assignments, which could be anywhere from two to four in the morning. Riza was younger than him (only by a year and a half but, to Roy, that still counted for something) and needed her sleep, which is why he'd remind her of her non-mandatory attendance. This night, the sixth she'd spent with him, was no different. Roy hoped, though, that she'd listen to him this time and choose to get more than five hours of sleep.

Just like the first five nights, however, Riza was set to stay with him.

"Mister Mustang, if you say that one more time, I'm going to start thinking you don't want me around. I've told you before, this is what I want. It's not a job to me or something I think is mandatory. It's something I like doing. Even overconfident boys like you must get lonely sometimes, working in the dead of the night on alchemy. I figured you could use some company," Riza replied from her place at the large leather chair in the corner of the room, a chair that had become her go-to spot in Roy's room. She pulled her knees to her chest and gave him a small smile, a hint of amusement in her eyes.

"Besides," she added, nodding at the papers on Roy's small desk, "I think you have more important things to worry about right now."

Roy gave her a wary look at the mention of assignments but turned around back to his desk, picking up his pencil. A few minutes later, he put the pencil down and spoke again.

"You know, Riza-"

"Work."

Her tone indicated that not only would she not entertain Roy's suggestion, he definitely would not be the winner of this argument tonight. With a small chuckle at Riza's blunt tone, Roy picked up his pencil again and returned to his work.

○

At around midnight, Roy noticed that Riza's breathing, which usually mingled perfectly with the soft ticking of the clock and the scratching of Roy's pencil, had changed, becoming deeper and more even. Suspecting that her possible lack of sleep had finally caught up with her, Roy turned around and saw that Riza had indeed fallen asleep. Her body was now in a more relaxed position than before, with her legs dangling over the end of the chair, her arms slack at her sides and her head resting against the back of the chair. Roy smiled at the peaceful expression on her face. He contemplated carrying her to bed but, after a few minutes' internal debate, he decided to let her be, mostly out of worry that moving her around might wake her up. His smile fell slightly when he saw her shiver, causing Roy to remember that the temperature was supposed to drop that night and the house, especially his room, wasn't the best insulated. He found a blanket that had been laying in a heap on the floor and wrapped Riza up in it, moving her ever so slightly to get it to cover her shoulders and body completely.

She stirred and Roy froze for a moment, relaxing only when Riza, instead of waking, curled herself up inside the blanket, subconsciously recognizing the warmth the blanket gave her. Roy kissed the top of her head and, after directing another soft smile towards Riza, he sat back down at his desk, returning to his work. In the morning, she'd wake up and inquire about the blanket. In reply, Roy would say this.

"It was cold outside last night, Riza. You know how drafty this house can get. If I hadn't covered you up, you might have gotten sick. I can't have my only company catching a cold."


	7. Collapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riza knows she can't afford to experience another collapse.

For as long as Riza could remember, she's had a wall. This wall, existing only inside her and her mind, has served as a way to keep two important things separate: her emotions and her actions. She couldn't allow herself to get emotional over anything she did (although even that rule would sometimes fail to be followed, for sometimes this wall couldn't stop a flood of true emotion once Riza was alone) and she certainly couldn't let her emotions get the best of her and dictate her actions (that was a rule that had to be followed; too many people depended on her for her to let emotions cloud her judgement). She thought this wall was strong. She thought it would never collapse.

That was before she learned how weak her wall could really be.

That was before she was told that Roy Mustang was dead.

At first, Riza didn't- couldn't- believe it. The defense mechanism commonly known as "denial" was working in overdrive, trying its best to make the undertone of Lust's words sound impossible, trying its best to convince Riza that she was lying.

It didn't work. In that moment, Riza couldn't count on denial. Maybe she had been able to in her adolescence, trying to deny her real feelings for her father's student and trying to deny that she really was killing innocent people in Ishval (the latter was a short kind of denial, because being a killer is something that only the truly delusional can deny), but she couldn't now.

To put it bluntly, denial was useless to her now.

So, it's really no wonder that the realization of this, coupled with the sinister smile of the Homunculi and the realization of its connotation hitting her square in the gut, caused Riza's wall to collapse. When that happened, she wasn't exactly herself anymore. She had become her emotions, those intangible things somehow controlling her actions.

It was her anger that repeatedly pulled the trigger, causing bullet after bullet to pierce the skin of the wicked monster that had done this, that had taken Roy and his vision from the world and caused Riza's senses to collapse with her wall. It was her anger that pushed the scream out of her mouth, loud and primal, desperate and so utterly furious that Riza was surprised she wasn't seeing red. It was her sorrow that brought her to her knees, tears streaming down her face as she finally was allowed to grieve, knowing in the back of her mind that she would soon meet the same fate as the man she was supposed to protect. It was that overwhelming sense of hopelessness that made her give up, that would have been the ultimate reason for her death...but then, a miracle happened. Roy appeared, not as a memory or a specter but as a person, a still living, still breathing person. That was when she pulled herself together and became herself again. That's when her wall started rebuilding.

Anytime she thinks about it now, it scares her. That wall, for all intents and purposes, was the thing keeping her sane. It was the only thing keeping her from being consumed by what would be, in some situations, violent emotions...and it had fallen as easily as a house of cards falls in a strong wind. It had collapsed with pure ease because she'd been told Roy Mustang was dead.

The way Riza figured, this meant one of two things: either her wall wasn't as strong as she thought or, when it came to the colonel, there's a part of her that would always be weak.

She had to hope that the latter wasn't true.

Riza knows she can't afford to experience another collapse.


	8. Crimson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first time Roy ever thought of Riza as beautiful, it was because of a crimson hair ribbon.

The first time Roy ever thought of Riza as beautiful, it was because of a crimson hair ribbon.

When they came across this ribbon, Roy was sixteen and Riza had just turned fifteen. The two of them had been straightening up her room as part of spring cleaning when Roy found a small wooden box that, judging by its light weight, seemed not to be holding much or anything at all. Still curious about it, however, he asked Riza just what, if anything, the box held and, after a quick inspection of it, she told him that it had been her mother's, one of the few things that had belonged to her that Riza still had around.

"After she died, father got rid of a lot of her things. I think it was because he didn't want any more reminders of mom around the house. After all, I'm probably the biggest reminder of her that he has. The only reason why I still have this is because my mom had given this to me a few months before she died," Riza explained.

When she opened the box, Roy discovered that it only contained three things: A single photo of Riza's mother that, due to time and its place in the container, had already started fading, a pair of earrings that, according to Riza, her mom had told her to wear on her wedding day and the aforementioned crimson ribbon. Riza seemed especially fond of the ribbon, as she wrapped it around her fingers for a few moments with the smallest, softest smile on her face before reaching behind her head and, after some help from Roy, using the ribbon to pull her hair up into a high ponytail. When she turned to face him again, Roy couldn't help but notice, not for the first time, how much easier it was to see how pretty his teacher's daughter was when she put her hair back. It was the first time, however, that he didn't just consider her "pretty", as he had a few times before. This time, the word "beautiful" crossed his mind, a word that he hadn't associated with Riza until that day. That night, he spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out why he thought this, why he suddenly thought this about her. After a while, he finally gave up, deciding that the answer could be found another day.

What he didn't know was that, soon, he would realize why he had thought that.

What he didn't know was that he was already beginning to fall in love with Riza Hawkeye.


	9. Cruel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Shockingly, though, tattooing me wasn't the cruelest thing he's ever done."

"Riza!"

Eleven year old Riza Hawkeye jumped as her father's bellow resonated through the house, his impatient tone making just the slightest bit of fear settle into the pit of Riza's stomach. It was hard for Riza to believe that there had been a time when she didn't associate her father's room with bad memories, when being called in there didn't mean being the victim of her father's vituperation. Now, it seemed that the only time he ever paid her any mind was when he was yelling at her for things that she may or may not have done. Riza hurriedly left her room and started the short walk to her father's room, trying to think of anything she might've done that would warrant his aggresive tone and volume. Running her activities over twice and finding nothing, Riza took a deep breath and walked into his room, closing the door quietly behind her with a slightly shaking hand.

Surprisingly, Riza didn't find her father hunched over his desk, scribbling onto one of his many pieces of paper. Instead, she found him standing near a small work bench that, while it had once had pots of ink and other miscellaneous items stacked and stored on top of it, was now cleared off, something that raised the young girl's suspiscions. He gave her a faint smile and spoke again, this time in a softer, yet still commanding, tone.

"Come over here, Riza."

Hesitantly, Riza walked toward her father, the small smile adorning his features unsetteling her in a way that she didn't understand until she was older (when she realized that his smile had been full of greed and a lust for his research and not out of geniune happiness to have his daughter near). When she got close enough to him, he crouched so that they were eyelevel, his eyes awash with expectancy.

"Riza," he began, his tone serious. "In my research, I've discovered a few things...things that, once I find the right person, will be the keys to making the Flame Alchemist who they'll eventually be. However, these things also have the potential to be dangerous, should they fall into the wrong hands. I can't take the risk of storing them like traditional notes, since those can easily get misplaced. That, my dear, is where you come in. I need your help in protecting these discoveries. While it won't be easy for you to be the keeper of these secrets, I know that you'll succeed in keeping them safe. So please, Riza...please safeguard this part of my work for me. You're the only one I trust enough to do this."

For a few moments, Riza said nothing, confusion making her thoughts unfocused. She wasn't sure why her father was asking her to do this important sounding task for him so suddenly, nor did she really understand how she was going to keep his research safe if he wasn't planning on copying them down and storing them in the traditional way, but she couldn't ignore the feeling of elation that was going through Riza's body as her father's words rang through her head.

_"I need your help in protecting these discoveries."_

_"...I know that you'll succeed in keeping them safe."_

_"You're the only one I trust enough to do this."_

_"You're the only one..."_

There was a part of Riza's mind that was screaming at her to say "no", begging her to deny her father and whatever kind of protection that he wanted her to give to these notes. It told her that she couldn't trust her father, at least not when it came to this part of his research. No matter how loudly this part of her brain told her to run, however, Riza knew that she couldn't do the things her mind was telling her to do. Her desire to finally be of some use to her father, even if it was as just the simple guardian of her father's research, was just too great for logic to win out in this battle. She was willing to take any consequences her choice may come with, no matter how small or large they might end up being. After all, it was going to be her responsibility once she gave her answer.

Riza hardened her resolve and, after another beat of silence, gave her answer.

"Alright. I'll do it."

•

"So. . . . .he tricked you. Your own father, because he was so eager to make sure his research would outlast him, tricked you, his only daughter, into keeping his secrets safe," eighteen year old Roy Mustang said as the two stood in seventeen year old Riza's room, her back, decorated with the array that held her father's secrets, bared and facing him. Roy could see her cringe slightly at his blunt statement before she spoke.

"I wouldn't call it tricking me so much as knowing what I wanted to hear. With all the times he called me useless, he must have known that I was chomping at the bit to help him by that point and that I'd agree to pretty much anything he asked of me, especially if it pertainted to his research. The thing is, though, is that I was the one who agreed to it. I knew that I could have been putting myself into a dangerous situation...and I promised him I'd protect his research, anyway. You can't blame my father completely, Roy."

"Why can't I?" Roy asked stubbornly, a dose of anger in his voice as he spoke. "Even if you _did_ tell him that you were going to protect his secrets, you never could've known he'd give you a tattoo on your back, Riza! He never told you that, he never _really_ gave you a choice! He told you what he wanted you to do and then made it impossible for you to say no! So, if he didn't trick you, than he manipulated you. Honestly, I don't know which one's worse!"

There was a stillness in the air as Roy finished his statement, his anger slowly dissolving into an acute sense of exasperation. he knew it wasn't doing anyone any good for him to be yelling at someone who, for the most part, was innocent in this whole thing. With a sigh, Roy sat down on the edge of Riza's bed and, after a moment, put his head in his hands. "Sorry about that. I'm not angry at you, Riza, I'm angry at your dad. Just. . . . how could he _do_ that? How could he, knowing full well what he was going to do, act like you were just going to protect something trivial, and not basically protecting your whole live in order to protect the secrets on your back? It amazes me in the worst way possible."

"His mind wasn't exactly in the right place at the time, Roy," Riza replied softly, her tone matching Roy's. "Honestly, I think his mind had already started to deteriorate by the time he asked me."

There were a few moments of silence as Riza turned and quietly began put her blouse back on, Roy averting his eyes when she removed the shirt that had been covering her front. When she was done, Riza sat down next to him on her bed and sighed softly, a slight melancholy setteling into her body. She saw Roy's eyes drift to her's and give her a soft, yet sad, gaze.

"I'm sorry," Roy repeated, hoping that his true compassion and empathy for what Riza had been through, not just with the tattoo but with everything that had happened in the past day or so, showed in his words.

"It's OK," Riza said, her tone reassuring. "Father...while I want to believe that he wouldn't have done what he did had he been in his right mind, I have to face the fact that what he did do was cruel." Riza smiled sadly, her eyes downcast and beginning to brim with tears at the sudden memory of the whole process. "Shockingly, though, tattooing me wasn't the cruelest thing he's ever done."

"Then what was?" Roy asked.

Riza looked up at Roy, her eyes glassy. "The cruelest thing he ever did was tell me that getting a tattoo doesn't hurt."


	10. Cuddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy would have loved to say that it was because of his own actions during the night that he woke up cuddling Riza Hawkeye that morning.

Roy would haved loved to say that it was because of his own actions during the night that he woke up cuddling Riza Hawkeye that morning. In all honesty, though, his small couch was probably more responsible for their position than him.

How the two ended up at Roy's apartment is definitely the lesser of the two mysteries. They had just wrapped up a three night long stakeout on an allegedly crooked officer who had rumored ties to the Homunculus, a stakeout that ended with the duo gathering no evidence whatsoever that either of those claims were true. Despite the fact that Roy and Riza had managed to get a few hours sleep on their last night of the mission, they were still exhausted by the time they were finally able to walk home (despite their fatigue, Riza refused to let either of them drive due to her fear that whoever would end up at the wheel would fall asleep and cause an accident). Roy, because of his own fear that Riza might run into trouble on her way home and be fully unable to defend herself due to her weariness, had insisted that she sleep at his apartment and, after some hesitation, she agreed, simply too tired to really argue with him. It hadn't been long before they ended up on Roy's couch, the two of them somehow able to lie somewhat comfortably on their sides, despite the narrow couch.

At some point during the night, however, their position had changed. Now, Riza had her head resting on Roy's chest, her arms tucked into her chest while Roy, now on his back, had one arm draped around her waist in a protective embrace, his other hand resting gently on her visible shoulder. He smiled tiredly at the peaceful picture that a sleeping Riza made and tightened his grip on her slightly, deciding to give them both the day off to catch up on their sleep.

His sudden action caused Riza to stir and open her eyes halfway, a small groan escaping her lips at being woken up. She gazed at Roy drowsily, a slightly confused look in her eyes. Roy smiled softly at her and moved his hand downward until it came to rest on the locks of her hair that cascaded down her back. He started running his fingers through it, enjoying the feeling of her hair on his fingers.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," Roy murmured apologetically. "You can go back to sleep. The only thing we need to do today is rest."

"Shouldn't we be getting ready for work, Roy?" Riza asked softly, her voice heavily weighed down with sleep.

"We can take a day to sleep, Riza," Roy mumbled in reply, fighting to keep his eyes open. "We won't be useful to anyone if we're exhausted."

Riza made a small sound of agreement and, after a few moments, Roy heard her breathing even out. Roy watched Riza fondly for a few moments before finally letting his own eyes close, a small but content smile on his face.


	11. Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After all this time, Roy was finally close to fulfilling his dream.

_Hey, Hawkeye. It's been a while since you've last heard from me, I know, but things have been a little busy lately. You probably already know this since word travels fast (in your case, that rings especially true) but I'm close. After all this time, I'm close to finally becoming Fuhrer of Amestris. It won't be long now, maybe only a year, if it all goes well. I've almost done it, Riza. I've almost fulfilled our dream._

_Yes, Riza,_ our _dream. Maybe you don't remember (although something tells me that you do) but before I had dreams of making it to the top and leading this country, I dreamt of doing something less ambitious and more innocent. I dreamt of marrying you, Riza Hawkeye. I was still going to be in the military and still work towards a greater good, but I was going to do it with you by my side. I planned on coming back for you and marrying you. I wanted to give you that happy future you told me you wanted to believe in, the one that you wanted everyone to have._

_I didn't expect Ishval, though. I didn't expect to have that peaceful vision shattered by the bullets that rained during that war, to have it turned to ashes by my own flames. I also didn't expect to see you there, either. You know how much I beat myself up for that, Riza. I thought I'd brainwashed you into following me there, into fighting for that cause I'd spouted to you dozens of times just a few years before. It wasn't until you practically slapped me that I realized how idiotic I was for thinking that. You weren't some impressionable, gullible little girl. You were an intelligent young woman, easily smart enough to know all the dangers and risks war brought. You knew how easy it would be for you to be killed by anyone or anything. Yet, you followed me. It's because you did that I even made it out of Ishval and lived to tell the tale, that I didn't end up another number in the casualty census they took at the end of the war. It was because of you that my dream was able to change. I didn't just want to work for a greater good, no, I was going to end up being the greater good. I was going to lead the country and make sure that nothing like Ishval ever happened again. Even though I didn't think you would, Riza, I hoped that you would join me. This new dream, after all, still had an empty spot in it, one that only you could fill. I was ready to accept that you might not follow me this time, that one time was one too many if it meant anything even half as brutal as Ishval. That was the second time I underestimated you, Riza, because I'll be damned if you weren't standing in my office not even six months later, looking me dead in the eye and giving me a perfect salute._

_Needless to say, I never underestimated you again._

_From that point on, you followed me. Together, we learned of the things once unknown to us, of Homunculi and chimeras, of what a man with a vision for his country has to lose, if only for a while, to learn the price of Truth. Never once did you stray from my side, even when I nearly strayed from my path, never once did you even think of leaving me behind (in fact, you blatently disregarded any orders I ever gave you that involved doing just that). You became and stayed my constant, so much so that I became more certain of your constant prescene than I did of the sun and whether or not it would rise the next day. You were always more than just my friend or my subordinate. You were my queen, my lovely, precious queen that I never wanted to give up._

_So imagine my agony when I finally had to._

_I've gone over that day too many times in my head, through both memories and dreams (funny how that word would now be used in such an agonizing way). One minute, the both of us were staring that killer down, the one we'd both been assigned to catch and had finally cornered, and the next minute, you were bleeding in my arms, two bullets in your chest that should have been in mine. I tried to get you to hold on, to try and stay alive until someone could help you, because there_ had _to be another way this could play out, right? I'd never even given up my queen in a game of chess before, so how was I going to give up the one that truly mattered?_

_It was then that I was reminded how amazing you really are, Riza. With the last of your strength, you told me you loved me. You told me to keep going, because it would be a shame if I had come so far and then decided to just throw it all away. You knew I was still wavering because you looked me right in the eyes as best as you could and whispered your final words to me._

_"If for no other reason, Roy, please...do it for me."_

_You knew I'd do anything for you, Riza, so doing it for you is exactly what I've been doing. It's only been a year since that day but it feels like so much longer. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss you terribly, that I don't wish I could have done more to save you. I'm not giving up, though. I'm going to make sure that your future comes true through me. Maybe we weren't able to have a future where we lived happily but I'll be damned if anyone else is deprived of that chance._

_I think I'll end this here, Riza. It's getting later and if I don't stop now, I won't get any sleep. So for now, good night, my love. I'll write again soon. I promise. In the meantime, say hello to Maes for me, will you?_

\- Roy.


	12. Dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riza Hawkeye has never feared dying.

Riza Hawkeye has never feared dying. She assumes it's a symptom of the events of her life, from her mother dying when Riza was only seven (an event which forced her to come to terms with just how impermanent life really is at a younger age than most) to the many heinous things she did in Ishval (things that made the idea of her death not only more tangible and inevitable but also extremely justified), that made Riza become practically desensitized to death. One would think her fearlessness of the afterlife would make her reckless but it actually has the opposite effect, making her more cautious. After all, while she isn't afraid to die, she certainly doesn't want to face it before she has to.

If there is, however, an aspect of death that scares Riza to no end, it would be the possibility of her dying alone.

With her, the phrase doesn't mean that she is afraid of dying without ever having married someone. No, with her, it's meant to be taken just as it looks- she's afraid of dying by herself.

She knows it's a selfish fear for her to have, especially considering the fact that so many of the people she's killed in the past have died exactly like that. That fact is probably what bolsters her fear in the first place, another case of her mind punishing her for Ishval. It's her mind that periodically sends her back to those wargrounds while she's sleeping, the suffocating heat and sounds of war all around her. In these nightmares, it's never long before she's shot from behind, usually multiple times and always right in the chest. In these dreams, no one comes to her, no one finds her. She lies there by herself, watching her own blood pool around her, feeling the pain become greater and greater as each breath becomes more of a struggle. Only on her "lucky" nights does she wake up before her body gives out, her heart stopping and eyes glazing over. Most night, it's only after her imagined death that she wakes up with a jolt, her whole body trembling as she tries to catch her breath and wipe away the tears streaming down her face.

For years, both her fear and her nightmare were her secrets, things that she made sure no one knew about and no one saw. It wasn't until one night, a night she happened to spend with a certain Flame Alchemist, that her secret became known, if only by one other person.

It was during her nightmare that night that events deviated from the normal. Instead of hearing only the sounds of fighting and clamor around her, she heard a voice, his voice, calling out for her. She tried to stay alive for him, wanting so desperately for him to be the last thing she saw before she died and not just the sky above her. As his voice got closer, however, everything started to play out as normal, except this time the last thing she heard was Roy calling her name and not just the sounds of gunshots filling at air.

When she awoke with a start this time around, she found herself face to face with Roy, a concerned look on his face and a gentle hand on her shoulder. Slowly, she sat up, trying to calm her breathing. She felt Roy's arms wrap around her waist, gently pulling her up against his chest. The two sat in silence for a while, the only movement coming from Roy either wiping away a stray tear from Riza's cheek or softly kissing the back of her head. Finally, when Riza felt she had gotten herself under control, she turned around in Roy's arms, putting her hands on the back of his neck and giving him a short yet tender kiss.

"You OK?" Roy whispered when they broke apart, his tone holding the concern his eyes still head.

Riza nodded, giving him a small smile in an attempt to ease his apprehension.

"I'm OK. It was...just a nightmare. I'll be fine."

"Do you wanna talk about it? It might help you feel better."

After a moment of hesitation, Riza sighed, resting her head on the hollow of Roy's neck. His hands traveled from her waist to her back, rubbing it lightly to encourage her.

"It was about Ishval," Riza murmured. "I...I got shot. Normally, in those kinds of dreams, I just lie there...it's not until I die that I wake up but...you were there this time. I could hear you calling for me. I tried to stay alive but..." Riza's sentence broke off with a shaky breath, trying to keep herself calm from the memory of it. Roy's hand moved to her hair, stroking it gently to try and comfort her. After a moment, Riza spoke again, her voice stronger.

"Roy, can you please promise me something?"

"Of course."

"Just promise me that...if you can...you won't let me die by myself. It's selfish, I know, but...just the idea of it terrifies me."

Roy gave her a small kiss on the temple and slowly started to lay back down, taking her with him.

"I promise, Riza. Whenever that time comes, I promise you won't be alone. I'll be right there with you. I'll make sure of it."

"Thank you," Riza breathed, her nerves finally fully at ease for the first time since she woke up. She drowsily curled herself up on Roy's chest, her exhaustion finally hitting her full force. She was already half asleep when she heard Roy's voice again, soft and sweet.

"Don't worry, Riza. I don't plan on leaving you alone anytime soon. I'll always be right here."

Riza smiled when she felt a pair of lips on her forehead, her heart skipping a beat when she heard him murmur one last thing before falling back asleep.

"Until we get married, that promise will be our 'till death do us part'."


	13. Ego

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whether or not Roy had an alter ego was a mystery to Riza Hawkeye.

A pure azure sky stretched out before her, the normally omnipresent clouds deciding to take a break for the day and let the sky show its true, uninterrupted beauty. The sun, characteristically still high in the sky at a quarter to one, did its job as a mid-June sun, beating down on anyone who might find themselves outside. This was truly the definition of a summer day, hot without being overly so or cancelling out how inviting and beautiful the weather was.

It was for days like this that, while she didn't always appreciate it about him, Riza could excuse Roy Mustang for having a slightly rebellious side about him.

Of course, that side of him could have easily have been brought out by the fact that Riza's father had decided to go out that day on business, telling them that he'd be back before dark and to "keep to themselves" (which, Riza knew by then, acted more as an order to the two of them to not get distracted or be distracting). For a few hours, they stuck to this rule pretty well, keeping themselves busy with their own individual duties. It wasn't until a little after lunch that Roy proposed that the two of them go out and enjoy the weather, if only for a little while. After some minor protests from Riza, she finally agreed to join him. They walked to the small hill that sat not too far away from the house and soon found themselves reclining side by side on it, observing the sky that extended out before them.

Riza couldn't stop the small smile that took on her features when she thought of the boy laying next to her, a reaction that had been happening lately when it came to Roy. Even though it had only been a year since he first arrived at her house, Riza was surprised at how friendly she'd gotten with Roy. Granted, she hadn't spoken many words to him the first few months he was there (this was mostly due to Riza's shy inclination) but once she did start talking to him and had really gotten to know him, she found his personality to be a pleasant surprise.

Yes, it seemed to Riza that Roy had ended up not being the person she thought he would be. Honestly, part of her quietness towards him had come from the fact that she was afraid, not at Roy himself, but of how he would treat her. The people in town generally thought very poorly of Riza and her father and made no bones about expressing this fact, so the young girl was convinced that her father's new student would feel the same way about her at least, since he seemed to look up to her father.

Surprisingly (but thankfully), Riza's expectations weren't fulfilled. Instead of looking down on her or dismissing her, it seemed Roy was actually making an effort with her, talking to her and getting to know her. Even when those attempts didn't work at first, he was still kind and amiable to her, only becoming more so when she started talking to him more.

Although she had appreciated his kindness, a part of Riza had worried that maybe it wasn't coming from a true place, that maybe (as farfetched as the idea was) it was an alter ego of Roy's being nice to her while his true self wanted nothing to do with her. As soon as this concern of hers popped up, however, it was quickly found to be false. She had realized that he did, indeed, really care about her when they had both been walking back from the market one day and Riza had tripped and scraped her knee. When Roy, who had been walking slightly ahead of her, saw what had happened, he had immediately went into action, helping her back up and leading her back into the house to treat the scrape. It had honestly shocked Riza, how much concern Roy had over and her minor injury. At the same time, however, she couldn't help but feel glad that her fears hadn't come true.

Riza's smile grew bigger at the memory. She turned her head to face Roy, who turned his own head to face Riza when he saw her move. He grinned back at her, a slightly softer version of his usually cocky grin.

"What's got you so happy?" Roy asked, his tone teasing.

Riza gave a small shrug (or at least the best shrug she could give while lying on her back). "Not much, really. Although...I want to thank you, Roy."

Roy raised his eyebrows, his grin faltering somewhat at the surprise of her comment.

"For what?"

"For being different. For just...always being kind, really. For being my friend."

Roy stared at her for a moment, seemingly surprised by her sudden confession. Gradually, his smile returned to its previous force, kindness now taking over his eyes as well.

"You're welcome, Riza. Thanks for being my friend, too."

Riza smiled wider and nodded. "You're welcome."

After a moment of smiling at each other, the two went back to looking at the sky above them, a content feeling washing over Riza as a breeze blew through.

Yes, Riza concluded, it was a very good thing indeed that Roy didn't have an alter ego.


	14. Equal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riza Hawkeye never considered her life, in terms of value, to be equal to that of Roy Mustang's.

Riza Hawkeye had never considered her life's value to be equal to that of Roy Mustang's. While she didn't think her life was worthless (she knew how much of an asset she was in Roy's journey to the top, so much so that it, along with certain feelings that had somehow made themselves at least slightly clear, had caused her to practically become Bradley's hostage), she had no umbrage with losing her life, as long as Roy's was untouched in the end. After all, _he_ was the one with the initiative and drive to lead the country, he was the one whose life had to be protected at all costs for the betterment of Amestris, not her. It was never something she resented or was jealous of; it was something she took as a fact, all the better reason to follow and protect him. That was her lot in life, to protect Roy Mustang, and it was a lot she was perfectly content with. If she had to always be looking behind for safety so that Roy could look ahead to prosperity, so be it. To Riza, it was enough. The way she saw it, Roy's life was too precious and important to both her and the people around him to lose, so she should lay down her own life to protect it.

What Riza didn't know is that Roy thought the same thing about her.

She didn't know this until after the Promised Day, when the two of them found themselves lying in a hospital bed in the dead of night, hands entwined as they took comfort in each other's company. The both of them had been quiet until Roy suddenly raised his free hand and, after some gentle guidance from Riza, placed it on her cheek. He still kept his eyes closed, a habit he had formed since his blindness, but his voice was full of the emotions his eyes couldn't display. With a melancholy tone that made Riza's heart want to break all over again, he told her how scared he'd been when he thought she was dying, how he'd been prepared to follow _her_ into Hell, and how relieved he had been when he had held her just moments after May brought Riza back from the brink of death. Riza had only seen her superior like this before twice in her life, the first time occurring after he had burned her back in Ishval and was tending to it and the second time on one of the many nights she spent at his apartment after Hughes' death. While she had stopped him the first time, she learned that it was better for him to do this, to unload and vocalize all of the emotions he usually kept so well hidden, especially if it prevented him from drowning them even further in something other than his own guilt.

When he was done, Riza's arms went around his middle, wrapping them around him in what she hoped was a comforting embrace. Roy returned the action with a good amount of ease, only hesitating in his actions for a moment before wrapping his own arms around Riza's waist. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, his breath tickling her skin. It was in that position that he spoke, his voice muffled.

"I don't want to do everything without you, Riza, I really don't. I came so close to losing you...and I'm honestly not sure what I would do if I lost you. If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead about a dozen times over by now. I want you to see me become Fuhrer. I want to make sure that you haven't spent years of your life following me just for me to fail...or worse, for you to die before I've done all the things I said I would do. You're too important to me for that to happen, Riza. You...you mean more to me than my own life, honestly."

It shocked her, just how highly he thought of her. She knew she was as important as anyone else helping Roy but it never crossed her mind that maybe he thought of her the same way she did him, that maybe he worked as hard as he did so that they'd be able to share in his success. While she wished it was under better circumstances, Riza was glad to know that she meant something to Roy, that Roy treasured her life as much as Riza treasured his.


	15. Exhausted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It always amazed him, how good news could make Roy go from utterly exhausted to wide awake.

At this moment, Roy was fairly certain that he'd never been more exhausted than he currently was.

He rested his temple on the small train window, the cover night preventing Roy from seeing any of the normal scenery out of the corner of his eye. It didn't exactly surprise him that his workload had increased since becoming Fuhrer but he honestly hadn't expected it to be as tiring as it really was. Despite his fatigue, however, it was more than worth it if it meant being able to watch Ishval rebuild. This had been Roy's first trip since becoming Fuhrer a little over a year ago and in that time, it had undergone important yet spotty restoration. While key parts to Ishval's social restoration had been revived, it had happened in sporadic parts, events that hadn't come together until a few months ago. Roy swore to himself that he was going to change that, that Ishval's rebuild would be more consistent from then on. Still, Roy was glad to say that things had changed since his last trip, which had been when he had still been a General.

Probably the best example of these changes was the fact that, this time, he had someone to go home to.

As soon as Roy had been told the news about becoming Fuhrer, the first thing he'd done was have Riza come into his office, telling her the development before kissing her soundly in a way that he hadn't been able to do since they were teenagers and then proposing to her, the wedding itself happening six months later. Riza now served as both Roy's first lady and bodyguard, although she'd technically resigned from the latter job the day she got married. Riza usually came with him on trips to Ishval due to the bouts of nausea she'd been experiencing since early that morning. Riza had been insisting that she was fine but, after some persisting from Roy, she'd agreed to stay behind and to go see a doctor to make sure nothing was wrong. Honestly, any free chance he got, Roy had let his mind drift to his possibly sick wife, his concern for her mounting by the second. Hopefully, her trip to the doctors would shed some light on her ailment and he'd be able to make her feel better.

The sudden jerking of the train halted his reverie. He looked out the window and smiled at the familiar train station he saw illuminated by the street lights.

He was finally home again.

Roy unlocked the front door to his mansion, not surprised that Black Hayate didn't come to greet him. While the dog loved his masters, he usually didn't come to welcome them back home when one or both of them took a long trip, choosing instead to curl up on their bed. Roy made his way into the bedroom, opening and closing the door as quietly as he could so as not to wake Riza up. He smiled softly at the serene sight of his wife sleeping soundly in the middle of the bed, her hair falling around her shoulders, Hayate at her feet. He gently sat down on the edge of the bed and pushed her bangs back slowly, allowing his hand to linger to feel for a possible fever. Feeling no unusual warmth coming from her, Roy sighed quietly in relief and kissed her forehead. Riza stirred, her eyes opening slowly. She blinked sleepily, a smile creeping up her face as she recognized her husband.

"Hi," Riza drawled, her voice husky with sleep. She sat up a bit to take Roy's hand, pulling him down onto the bed so that he laid next to her. She removed her hand from his, placing it instead on his cheek and giving him a short, light kiss. "How was your trip?"

"Good," Roy yawned, wrapping his arms around her waist. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said that it wasn't because I was sick that I was throwing up. It was because of something else."

Roy looked at her, confusion dominating his features.

"What was that 'something else'?"

Riza smiled, her eyes growing brighter.

"Roy...I'm pregnant."

Roy blinked at her in surprise and was silent for a moment before smiling widely, tightening his already strong hold on her waist. He looked at her adoringly, giving her a gentle kiss on the bridge of her nose before kissing her a bit harder on her lips.

"I can't believe it...you're gonna... _we're_ gonna...you're amazing, Riza. I love you, I love you so so so much."

Riza chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

"I love you, too. Now, come on, we need to sleep. We can talk about it more in the morning."

Roy chuckled lowly and briefly got out of bed to change into some pajamas, quickly finding himself lying back down next to Riza. His arms returned to their place around her waist, now suddenly wide awake as he listened to his wife's breathing slowly begin to even out. Frankly, Roy would be surprised if he got to sleep anytime soon. It always amazed him, how good news could make someone go from utterly exhausted to wide awake.

Roy smiled as he closed his eyes, deciding he'd at least give the idea of sleeping a try.

It was amazing, but not in the least bit surprising.


	16. Ferocity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As a young girl, Riza never thought she had a bit of ferocity in her.

As a young girl, Riza never thought she had a bit of ferocity in her. She never considered herself to be bold, violent, ruthless, or any of the other traits that went along with being ferocious. She was meek, quiet, timid, sweet. She wasn't a girl to fight back or try to change the tide of things, even if her body and mind screamed for her to do so. For most of her childhood, she was a passive observer of others, never really participating in their activities unless she felt she had to (this rule especially came into play after she met Roy Mustang - keeping him out of trouble was definitely a thing she felt she had to do, lest he get in hot water by Riza's father, who doubled as his alchemy teacher). While she didn't exactly like how meek she was, it was something that was hard to change about herself- being more of a quiet, behind the scenes person just came more naturally to her.

That changed, however, as she got older. Maybe it was Ishval, maybe it was the maturity she gained from getting older and experiencing more things, maybe it was both of those things combined along with a lot more. Regardless, she found that she became bolder as an adult - she was willing to sacrifice more of herself and take risks she wouldn't have even considered as a teenager. That being said, her quiet tendency and behind the scenes nature was still a fixture of her adult personality. She preferred to have her actions speak for her, choosing to be a source of silent, steadfast support for her superior officer. With this new kind of boldness came a hidden but rather ferocious temper. Only specific conditions could set Riza off to the point of this temper showing through but when it did, she was like an attack dog - quick, loud and ready to pounce on anyone who tries to cross her or those she cares about. Despite this boldness, however, she found that, in terms of the choices she made, what she decided to do were things that she felt she would have chose to do anyway, teenager or not. In a way, everything yet nothing really changed to her.

If there was one part of Riza's life that definitely changed, however, it was how she went about her relationship with Roy Mustang.

Roy and Riza never ventured into an amorous or romantic relationship as teenagers, the awkwardness of the age and their general lack of time forcing them to just work on becoming friends for the five years they spent together in the same house. Years later, when the Ishvalan war had ended and they had finally figured out just how they felt about each other, they had their moments when they would quietly spend the nights together, making sure to make them very few and far between so that they wouldn't raise suspicion. It was wrong, it was extremely illegal in every sense of the word, and it was probably one of the riskiest things Riza had ever done...which is probably why she took control a lot of the time during these nights. It was the pure adrenaline, combined with her newfound ferocity, that made her kiss with newfound passion, that made her touches and actions so much more aggressive and confident that they would have been had she explored this territory when she was just a teenager. Every bit of her ferocity came into play during those times and it was during those nights that it became apparent that the sweet, meek and quiet Riza Hawkeye of the past was gone, replaced with her adult counterpart that made up for her quiet nature with an unending fire.

A fire that could easily match and sometimes outdo the hottest ones the Flame Alchemist could ever hope to conjure.


	17. Firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At seventeen years old, Roy Mustang had been Riza Hawkeye's first kiss. Originally written for day one of tumblr's Royai Week, 2013.

It's impossible for Riza Hawkeye to forget her first kiss. What made it so unforgettable in her mind wasn't the kiss itself (although that was a little bit why, if she was being honest) but the man that she shared it with and the promise that it held.

At seventeen years old, Roy Mustang had been Riza's first kiss.

It happened in the early morning hours on the day Roy was to leave for the military, when the two of them had been unable to sleep and had somehow gotten into a conversation about the future, about what the two of them planned to do after that morning became just another one in the catalogue of their lives. Roy, as he had told Riza before, was going to make the country better using the alchemy her father had taught him. He was going to help create a beautiful future for everyone, a thought that brought Riza a great amount of comfort.

What he said next, however, surprised her.

"And once I'm done making a beautiful future for everyone else, Riza, I'd like to make you a part of mine. If you'll have me, that is."

Riza blinked at him, shocked.

"Roy, do you mean that...once you've done everything you plan on doing...you're going to come back for me?"

Roy nodded. "I have no intention of just leaving you here by yourself, Riza. I love you too much to do that. That's why, whenever I come back, I want to marry you. I want to give you that future that you believe in, the one where everyone is living happily. I'm afraid that you won't get that kind of future here, which would be a tragedy if that were the case. You deserve a beautiful future, Riza. You deserve someone who loves you, someone who'll make sure you're safe and always taken care of...and, if you'll let me, I want to be that 'someone.'"

A flurry of emotions battled for supremacy inside of Riza as she processed everything that Roy had just said to her. Happiness seemed to be fighting the hardest, its elation that Riza's feelings for her father's student were reciprocated causing a light bubbly feeling to form in her stomach. Confusion, however, wasn't too far behind, its bewilderment at Roy's sudden declaration leaving Riza with the onset of a headache. Last but not least was just pure shock- shock that Roy thought of her the same way she thought of him and that he had plans that were this extensive about his- their- future. Riza groaned and put her head in her hands, trying to get all of these conflicting emotions to coexist peacefully.

Roy frowned and got up from his place in the chair across from her, making his way towards her and then kneeling so that he was at eye-level with Riza and her place on the couch.

"Are you OK? I'm sorry that I upset you like this; I was trying not to. I'll understand if you don't wanna marry me, really, I will, but I just wanted you to know how much I care about you and I'll still make sure you're OK, no matter what, and-"

"It's not that," Riza said, her voice muffled from the obstruction her hands caused. "Well, it is but it isn't." Riza lifted her head, her arms going slack at her sides as she looked into Roy's eyes, frowning at the worry that she found in them. "I want that future, Roy. I want the future that you just told me about...every part of it," Riza confessed, a small smile appearing on her face that Roy shortly returned. "It's just...overwhelming."

"Sorry," Roy repeated, his small smile turning apologetic.

"You don't need to be," Riza mumbled as her mind finally calmed down. After a moment of silence, she spoke again.

"So, you're going to come back?"

"Yes."

"You're going to marry me?"

"Absolutely."

"Come hell or high water?"

"Come hell or high water. "

"Promise?"

Roy smiled softly and, after another moment of silence that was spent simply looking into each other's eyes, he leaned over and kissed her. The sudden action took Riza aback but, a few moments later, she relaxed into it, the corner of her mouth curving upward at the slight taste of the peppermint tea that Riza had made for the two of them earlier in the morning as an attempted remedy for their insomnia. The two stayed like this for what felt like an immeasurable amount of time before Roy pulled away gently, the same soft smile he had worn beforehand gracing his lips.

"Promise."


	18. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We made it and we're together now.....finally."

Central was cloaked in darkness, nightfall effectively disguising the small details of the city so that only the tall buildings stood out. The stars, small, bright pinholes that usually aided the street lamps in their jobs of lighting the city at night, were hidden, their brilliance covered by the clouds that stubbornly refused to go away. From inside, a light rain could be heard, the kind of rain that was extremely pleasant only to those who didn't have to be out in it. The sound it produced, a halcyon yet barely audible rhythm, was enough to tempt anyone in an already drowsy state into slumber. Most everyone in the city had succumbed to the lullaby, as they were already tucked into their beds, dreaming about what was, what could be, what they wanted to be or possibly memories of their past. For most everyone, the rain's melody went unheard.

Everyone, that is, except for Roy Mustang.

Yes, it seemed the Flame Alchemist was still awake, despite the fact that it was already well past midnight. He was sure he was the only one awake to experience the calm and serenity of this night, but for once, it wasn't a bad thing. This night was different from past sleepless nights, nights where insomnia took him and refused to soften its grip. That night, the thing keeping him up wasn't a nightmare or memories of events he knew would always haunt him. The thing keeping him up this night was the feeling of sheer happiness, tinged with slight disbelief, a feeling that had everything to do with the woman sleeping next to him.

Ever since he was a teenager, there had never been any doubt in Roy's mind that he loved Riza Hawkeye. To him, it was just another part of his life, an undeniable fact- there are seven days in a week, the earth revolves around the sun, Roy Mustang loves Riza Hawkeye. It was because it was, at this point, so second nature for him to have those feelings about her that he had found it so difficult to keep them under wraps for so long, which was compounded by the fact that one little slip of these feelings would bring certain harm to Riza and, to a lesser extent, himself. After so long, however, he was finally one step closer to doing what he'd wanted to do for so long, to fulfilling a promise he'd made before leaving the Hawkeye household for the military.

Just a few hours before, he'd asked Riza Hawkeye to marry him.

It hadn't been a big, elaborate proposal, nor had it been a public one. He'd had the ring ever since he became Fuhrer six months before and, after gathering up the resolve, had decided that this would be the night he finally asked her. He invited her over for tea and, after an hour or so, was presented with a lull in conversation too perfect to pass up. So, in the same conversational tone he'd been using all night, he'd asked if she still remembered the promise he had made before he left for the military, back when they were both teenagers. He would never forget the look she'd given him over her cup when he'd asked her this, one that said 'you better be doing what I think you're doing, because otherwise this isn't funny,' before she set her cup down.

"Yes I do, Roy," she had answered, her voice still light and casual. "That was the one where you said you'd marry me when you came back, right?"

"That would be the one," Roy had confirmed, trying to suppress a grin at how casual they were being about this.

"So...what about it? Don't tell me you're breaking it," Riza had said, her teasing tone carrying a stern undercurrent to it that told Roy that, despite the slight teasing they were doing about it, she took the promise very seriously. Roy got up from the chair he'd been sitting in and sat next to her on the couch, reaching in his pocket for the ring.

"On the contrary," Roy had said, his tone serious. "I've been Fuhrer for a while now and there hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about asking you this...Riza, I've known you for a long time now and for most of that time, I've been in love with you. You're an absolutely amazing, beautiful woman and nothing would make me happier than having you by my side as my wife. So, what do you say, Riza? Is it too late for me to fulfill the promise I made?"

For a moment, Riza had been silent, a silence which made Roy more and more nervous the longer it went on for. His nerves disappeared, however, when Riza gave him a small, soft smile before placing her hands on either side of his face and giving him a quick yet sound kiss. When she pulled back, she was still wearing the same smile on her face.

"When it comes to you, Roy Mustang, it was never going to be 'too late'," Riza had replied, soon finding herself on the receiving end of Roy's own sound, but longer, kiss.

Roy smiled at the memory, looking over at Riza when he felt her stir. She sleepily opened her eyes, noticing with a raise of her eyebrow that Roy was looking back at her.

"What are you still doing up? Are you alright?" Riza asked, her tone husky from sleep yet still holding concern.

Roy gave her a small smile and moved closer to her, placing a hand on her face gently.

"I'm wonderful," Roy whispered, stroking her cheek with her thumb. "I'm just happy I can finally be with you like this. After all we've done, all we've gone through...we're still here." Roy couldn't hide the slight disbelief in his voice, amazed that neither of them had gotten killed before they could get to this point.

Riza gave him a small smile, knowing just how much that one statement held.

"We made it...and we're together now," Riza said, putting her hand over his and closing her eyes. "Finally," she added, her voice a near whisper.

Roy smiled at her, closing his own eyes. "Finally," he agreed, falling asleep just as the rain began to let up.


	19. Firearms.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's one of those nights again.

It's one of _those _nights again.__

__Roy and Riza aren't sure how this became a regular event to them. A chance meeting one night turned into another impossibly coincidental meeting exactly one week later and now, now these nights are reserved for the chances when they can actually walk to either one of their apartments together without fear of being spotted. It's been a while since they last did this, since their hands last danced on each other's skin and their lips last met in a passionate kiss. It's impossible to see this fact, however, in the fluidity and confidence of their actions, how precise and practiced each gesture is._ _

__It's the build-up to the timeless dance, the dance that could very well bring the performers to their ultimate downfall._ _

__Despite the kinetic energy passing between them, energy that only seems to crescendo as each breath becomes heavier and each touch lingers just a bit more than the last, Riza briefly pulls away from the kiss, from the attention of Roy's hands on her. Taking the guns from her holster, she places them on the small coffee table and, with a small smile, turns back to Roy. He looks at her, his confusion over her actions etched on his face. Before she places her lips back onto his, her smile turns coy and she reminds him of an known, but previously unspoken, rule when it came to these nights in Riza's apartment._ _

__'No firearms in the bedroom.'_ _


	20. Firework

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before he was the flame alchemist, Roy Mustang was a firework.

As a teenager, Riza considered Roy to be a lot of things. She considered him to be intelligent, more than capable of becoming the future wielder of flame alchemy (even if he had a tendency to act before he thought and often had to be pulled out of trouble by Riza). She considered him a good friend and a good person in general, someone who was kind and polite but also outgoing and stubborn, someone who encouraged Riza to speak up and listened to her when she did. She even considered him to be attractive, handsome without the ego that sometimes came with it. All of these considerations came together to create Riza's ultimate view of him, the one that she held the closest to her heart.

Riza considered Roy to be a firework.

Fireworks, by design, work best in the dark, preferably with the night sky. With the death of her mother and the perpetual absence of her father, Riza felt her life was just that: dark, the comparison of it being like endless night feeling like too much of a stretch to her because even the night had stars sometimes. To Riza, this darkness had no light, not even tiny specks that could have acted as her stars. It wasn't until the fireworks, _her_ fireworks, started in the form of Roy Mustang that Riza started to get a small reprieve from this darkness, a reprieve that only grew longer and longer as the two teens got to know each other more. By the time Roy left for the military for good, when he officially had the power to be the Flame Alchemist, these light displays were at their full force, powered now by the promise that Riza would get to experience this colorful burst of light for a long time to come.

Little did they know that these fireworks would soon dissipate as war raged on under them, their full color never really coming back but their potency all the more obvious and, if anything, strengthened. Despite the fact that these fireworks were now monochrome, that they had been used for reasons they shouldn't have, Riza continued to watch these fireworks (or, for a more accurate statement, watch over them now), the deep boom in her chest from the fireworks setting off an already ingrained sound in her heart, one that she simply couldn't ignore.

After all, it was hard to just leave Roy Mustang, especially after all he had done for her.

For it was his color that made the dark more bearable to her.

And it was his light, bright and bombastic that carried with it an infectious spirit of perseverance, that lit up her future path.


	21. Flaws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever you do, don't show your flaws.

To Roy Mustang,

That is who is reading this, right? It was just today that father told me your name (after refusing to for about a month and only saying as much as 'he's an apprentice coming in the spring'), so I might be remembering wrong- although I'd like to think I'd remember a name as unique as your's. If I am, however, sorry in advance. However, if the person reading this is not Roy Mustang, then please, set the letter down. Really, you shouldn't be reading other people's mail- it's pretty rude. If you are Roy (is it OK if I call you that? I'm sure father will have us using formalities when you come here, so I'd like to try and be as casual as possible before then), then hello. I'm Riza Hawkeye, your teacher's daughter and only child. I'm only twelve (father tells me you're older by almost two years - an age gap small enough to be friendly but wide enough to be just the slightest bit intimidating to me) and am probably not the kind of friend you had in mind you make while you're staying here but here I am.

Anyway, I guess I should get down to the business of what this letter is actually about. Now, I know my father better than anyone (but that should go without saying), so I know just what he expects from you. I was going to write you a list of said expectations, a mix of things to do and things not to do with some rules here and there, until I realized two things: One, it would be extremely time consuming and two, most of the things on this list are things you would easily pick up on by your first few weeks of living here, so I quickly nixed that idea. No, what I'm going to do is tell you what my father expects most from you, what tip or rule that is most crucial to your success as his student.

Whatever you do, don't show your flaws. Not around father, anyway.

I know it sounds weird but trust me - showing my father that you're not the perfect student he wants you to be won't bode well for you. My father...he's not exactly like a regular person, at least not when it comes to his alchemy. He expects perfection on every level when it comes to that, even when it comes to his notes. I think he's worried about his reputation (as broken as it is among the people in town), that whoever becomes the Flame Alchemist isn't going to live up to his abilities and be this huge disappointment- a disappointment he helped mold. I know that, when my father dies, he doesn't want to be remembered as "Berthold Hawkeye, the recluse who tried and failed to create a powerful alchemist"- he wants to be known as "Berthold Hawkeye, the man who created one of the world's most powerful alchemists". So, as you can imagine, it's a lot of pressure on the person who is going to become said alchemist - or, in other words, you, at least for the moment.

Despite everything I just wrote, I'm not asking you to be perfect, since I know that that would be like telling you to catch lightening in a bottle or touch a cloud. I guess what I'm asking is to appear perfect, at least for my father's sake. Drum up some false bravado, appear to have all the answers when, on the inside, you're just as confused as everyone else- do anything you need to fill this request...that is, if you want. While my request may come off as bossy and a little demanding, I am in no way forcing you to do this. After all, it must be pretty jarring for someone younger than you to be ordering you around like this, so please feel free to disregard this whole letter if you want. I suppose it's just some advice, something you can take or leave. It's your choice.

I probably should have ended this a while ago, so I guess I'll just do that now. I hope you and I can become friends during your stay here. Despite how bossy I can come off as, I'm really not that bad, and from the way father talks about you, I can tell that you're probably not that bad, either.

Guess we're a couple of not bad people, huh?

Sincerely,

Riza Hawkeye.


	22. Follow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was alway something about Roy Mustang that drew Riza to him.

_"Of course I will, sir. I'd follow you into hell if you asked me to."_

There was always something about Roy Mustang that drew Riza to him. Even before they had considered each other "friends", when they were in that awkward middle ground between casual acquaintance and actual friendship that was only heightened by how confusing and lopsided an experience being a teenager can be, Riza felt this undeniable need to be around him, to get answers about him and answer questions about herself that, when Roy asked them, she was all too eager to answer. At the time (and, to a point, even now), Riza wasn't able to pinpoint why she felt this way, why her interest in him seemed to flow as endlessly and powerful as a waterfall, accumulating at the bottom into a lake of new things Roy told her about him, his family, how he saw things, etc. It could have been that he was new to her and, like anyone with anything (or anyone) they've never come across before, Riza's curiosity knew no bounds or exhaustion. Of course, there was always the chance that it was his appearance physically that made Riza so interested, although she doubted that was the whole reason. Of course, it didn't hurt that Riza did find him handsome, as apparently many girls in town did. To Riza, though, that was mostly beside the point. No, what she eventually decided was that it was the way he talked, the way he spoke when it came to the future and what he planned on doing with his life when he was older, that captivated her so much.

While the specifics of his plan wouldn't come to light until much later in Roy and Riza's teenage years, Roy always talked about using flame alchemy to help others, to make things better anywhere it needed to happen. He spoke with finality about his plans, his tone never wavering and never expressing any doubts about himself, any second guesses. This _was_ what he was going to do with his life - no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Coming from anyone else, it wouldn't have sounded nearly as final, as if he were the overseer of all things and knew for a fact that those things would happen. From Roy, however, that's exactly what it sounded like, and it was this surety he had about himself that Riza admired the most about him.

He would do it - she knew he would. He would have enough passion, enough firepower (both literally and figuratively) to make it happen. She believed in him from the bottom of her heart, and she swore to herself that she'd support him. In any way, small, large, or in-between, she'd show that, yes, I believe in you, Roy Mustang. I truly do.

_"Will you follow me?"_

So when he asked that question, it was easy for her to answer like she did.

After all, she'd been following him all along.


	23. Guardian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seemed Riza Hawkeye had always been Roy's guardian.

It seemed Riza Hawkeye had always been Roy's guardian.

Even as teens, she had always felt this need to keep an eye on him, to know that he was safe and wasn't in danger. Most would chalk it up to unknown feelings of affection, feelings that Riza wouldn't totally be in tune to as a young, nearly teenage girl. After all, isn't loving something the main reason you want to protect it? While it just might have been that, Riza herself was more inclined to lean towards another, slightly more intricate, explanation.

At first, the "feeling" was less of a feeling bred from her own instinct or wants and more of a sense of duty she felt towards her father and one certain order he gave Riza.

"Keep both parts of the secrets safe- don't let anyone who shouldn't see your back, and keep Roy out of trouble. Look after him."

Those were the exact words Berthold Hawkeye said to Riza shortly after Roy Mustang arrived. She had already had the tattoo for about six months, so the first half of his request could have gone without saying, really- she'd already been doing that. Keeping her father's student safe, however...that was something she never thought she'd have to do. Her mind was whirring with dozens of questions she wanted to ask- _'Why is this suddenly my responsibility? We barely even know each other, and I have to be his keeper? What if there's something I can't protect him from- what will happen then? Will the tattoo be useless then- will_ I _be useless to you, then?'_ and then the most daunting question of all- _'What if I don't want to?'_

She knew she couldn't ask those questions, however- nor could she refuse. Doing either one of those things could cause her father's already fragile state of mind to break, the consequences of said outcome dangerously unknown.

Instead, she simply waited until she killed and buried those questions before nodding and giving a simple "yes, father". The good, obedient daughter, as always.

Riza began playing the role of Roy Mustang's protector almost immediately. She got him out of trouble when she needed and kept him in line, warning him that one mistake or absent minded slip of the tongue or mind could lead to his dismissal as her father's alchemy student. Roy was none the wiser to the fact that, by her doing so and him doing as he was supposed to, they were both being kept out of trouble and she was fulfilling her father's request. At times, it was a tricky role to play- Roy seemed more inclined to cause mischief than to be obedient, especially to orders given to him by someone nearly two years younger than him, and the idea of simply letting him do as he wanted, good or bad, was very tempting to Riza at times. Her thoughts were always corralled by remembering the promise she had made her father, however, and she would go on and continue what she now felt were her duties as Berthold Hawkeye's daughter.

Somewhere along the line, however, protecting Roy became less of a thing she felt she had to do and more of a thing she wanted to do. Maybe it was because, the more she learned about him and his intentions of learning flame alchemy, the more she liked him, or maybe the act of being his guardian had become so habitual that she gained the illusion of enjoying it (a rather pessimistic theory, yes, but a theory nonetheless). Either way, she found that, as her own resolve and willingness to be the future Flame Alchemist's protector increased, the idea that she was bound to her father's word decreased. It wasn't long before she realized that she wasn't really doing it because she had told her father she would- she was doing it because she genuinely wanted to keep Roy safe and wanted to see him succeed in his goals and promises.

Little did she know that these few years of being his unofficial protector was just practice for her adult life, where she would nearly lose her resolve after seeing him destroy thousands of lives in a place of ash and sand, only to regain it when she realized that, just as she had hated pulling the trigger for the means of "war", he had hated his own actions. Riza would sacrifice her own safety and a chance at a normal life for him, soon becoming his protector again- this time, in a more official capacity.

Little did Riza know that, right before Berthold Hawkeye took his final breath, he'd told Roy to look after her, to take of her, a request that Roy would take to mean "protect" a bit later in his life. The protected soon became the protector for the first time, even if his acts of protection weren't as obvious as Riza's. He'd protected her by assigning Riza to be his bodyguard, which made sure that, just as she was looking out for him, he was looking out for her.

The guardian, on the other hand, considered this as a fresh start. Now, instead of a promise she was making to her father out of obligation and slight fear, it was a promise she made to Roy Mustang out of confidence in him and her own volition. In agreeing to this, Riza Hawkeye was no longer just a guardian, a protector. She became a subordinate, a Lieutenant, a confidante, a friend.

Of course, there was a title Roy Mustang used most often for her, one she wasn't fully aware she had.

A- _The_ \- Queen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is OLD. I'm going through the process of going through 2+ years of updates because I realized that some of ya'll that might have missed this on FF.net. Strap in folks some of this is bad.


	24. Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wouldn't be her following him into Hell. It would be him following her.

No matter how sentimental it sounds, Roy Mustang will always admit that Riza Hawkeye is to him like Heaven is to most people.

He looks forward to the day when he can finally be with her the same way some people look forward to Heaven, to the day when they can leave a world filled with strife and enter a plane of peaceful existence. He wants to be able to tell her how he feels, how he had fallen in love with her as a teenager and how those feelings have never changed, despite all the hell and turmoil they have both been put through throughout the years. It's a confession that, like getting to Heaven, is going to take some patience to fulfill. He can't be hasty and do it now, unless he wants them to face a heavy castigation for doing so.

Like some people take comfort in the promise of Heaven, Roy takes comfort in who Riza is. To him, she is the embodiment of the ultimate achievement of his goals, of all the promises he made about the country and its people. She is his hope when there is none, the promise that things will change one day and that he will be the one to change them. He refuses to think about the possibility that he may have to achieve the things he wants without her because he truly believes that he _can't_ without her. To lose her would mean losing the only allotment of heaven he will ever have, for he knows that the only thing that awaits him in the afterlife is the torment and anguish that comes with descending into Hell. She _has_ to be there the day everything comes full circle for them and he succeeds.

If anything were to happen to her that would change these plans, the consequences would be, to say the least, detrimental.

So it's when he sees her fall to the ground on the Promised Day, blood pouring from her neck and her eyes void of anything safe for a sliver of pain, that he's terrified, shaken to his very core. His heaven, the only heaven he's ever known, is dying right in front of him, and the only way to stop him from losing her would be to damn them both. It's a choice that would be too easy to make, a choice he knows he can't make. This thought is only confirmed by the look she gives him, the one that tells him to give her up and not commit the taboo that she must know he wants desperately to do. Before he makes his decision known to the doctor, the monster that started all of this pre-Hell torment, her voice echoes through his mind, the audio of a memory that now seemed so far away.

'I'd follow you into Hell if you asked me to.'

It's then that he realizes that she was wrong when she made that promise.

It wouldn't be her following him into Hell.

It would be _him_ following _her_.


	25. Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was just too appropriate.

The first time Roy ever held Riza, it was on the Promised Day.

It was when she was dying, her skin growing so pale and her eyes remaining shut like someone who can't be awoken from a deep sleep, that Roy finally got to know what is was like to have Riza Hawkeye in his arms, a feeling that he much rather would have experienced under different circumstances. It was sickeningly appropriate - him holding her while she bled out in his arms, something that was, in essence, his doing. _He_ was the reason she had gotten hurt- he was always the reason. He'd been hurting her ever since she vowed to protect him, her body a canvas for the scars, cuts, bruises, and _burns_ that should've all been on him (save for the burns, as that was what she wanted). He felt guilty over every last one of them, because he knew Riza had no qualms with getting hurt, as long as her injuries were from protecting him.

To Riza, Roy was worth it. To Roy, Riza was worth more than he could _ever_ be.

So it was when she was practically brought back to life and he got to hold her a bit longer, her body slowly getting its color back and her eyes, while slightly pain filled, now open, that Roy swore he was going to make sure they both made it out alive. Riza was going to live so that she wouldn't have spent her whole life protecting a man who had only caused her trouble, and Roy would live so he could become Fuhrer and get to hold her alive, warm body any time he wanted. It was with slight reluctance that he finally helped her stand, effectively limiting his hold on her to just her shoulder. Even when he let go of her completely, he could still feel the softness of her skin on his calloused fingertips, even when they were covered by his gloves, could still smell the bittersweet scent of jasmine and gunpowder, a scent so distinctly _Riza_ to him that just smelling one or the other would only conjure images of her in his mind.

It wasn't until all of the chaos and panic of the Promised Day settled down, Roy sitting up in a hospital bed and darkness shrouding his vision for an indefinite amount of time, that he decided one thing.

While it might have been his first time having Riza Hawkeye so close to him, he certainly was going to make sure it wasn't his last.


	26. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Night, Riza"

Four hours and twenty-six minutes.

That's how long it's been since Riza Hawkeye went into Roy's hospital room, the sky and room now pitch black as she waits for him to wake up. It's got to be nearly morning now- it was a little past midnight when they arrived at the hospital, and around one thirty when Riza was allowed to see him. Despite the late (although some would consider it early) hour, she's stubbornly stayed awake, wanting to be there for him in every way when he woke up.

Of course, the guilt gnawing away at her is helping her stay awake, too.

It was a standard undercover mission, something that both of them had done dozens - no, _hundreds_ \- of times, usually ending without any major incidents. Tonight wasn't supposed to be the night that a gunman decided to try and rob the restaurant that Roy and Riza were at, the only thing coming out of the two soldiers' attempt to intervene being two gunshot wounds in Roy's abdomen and leaving Riza feeling like she was somehow as responsible for him being hurt as the man who pulled the trigger. It didn't help that he got hurt protecting her, quickly getting her out of the way of the robber's line of fire shortly before falling to his knees in pain.

Riza _hates_ it when he gets hurt over her. She hardly feels worth it, especially considering that it's _Roy_ who is supposed to become Fuhrer one day. Even though he's told her time and time again that he wouldn't be as far as he is without her, she can't help but consider herself expendable in the grand scheme of things. Roy hates that Riza thinks of herself this way just as much as she hates him getting hurt over her, but these are thoughts and actions and beliefs that neither of them can change about the other.

Riza's thoughts are broken by the sound of Roy stirring, watching as his eyes fluttered then slowly opened, a grunt of pain escaping him as he opened his eyes. She was as still as she could be as he looked ahead of him for a few moments before turning his head to her, a small smile forming on his features.

"Sir, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?" Riza asked, her voice soft. His smile became reassuring at her question, moving his hand slightly so it was closer to her's, hesitating a bit before taking hold of it completely. "I'm alright, Hawkeye. D-Don't worry about me so much," he replied, his voice slightly hoarse from sleep. She gave him a small smile back, using her thumb to gently stroke his knuckles.

"It's hard not to when you're the one in the hospital, sir," Riza replied, her tone slightly teasing.

Roy gave a small chuckle at that, his smile growing slightly. "Touché," he replied simply, his smile falling as he really started taking in Riza's appearence. She looked utterly exhausted- had she been waiting for him to wake up all this time? It had to have the middle of the night by now, if not already morning. Slowly, he took his hand from her's and brought it up to her cheek, his gaze gentle and concerned.

"You haven't slept," he said, his tone making his words not so much an observation as it was a fact. He gently ran his thumb over the dark marks under her eyes, not taking his eyes off of her. "It's OK now...I'm alright. I'll be OK- just rest now. Just get some sleep- I promise, I'll still be OK in the morning," Roy said reassuringly, hoping his soft tone would lull her to sleep. His smile came back a little as she seemed to relax, watching as she removed her head from his touch so she could rest it on her folded arms, which were already resting on the edge of Roy's hospital bed. She glanced at him and gave him a drowsy half smile before closing her eyes, her breathing evening out a few moments later. Roy smiled down at her, beginning to stroke her hair lightly as he closed his own eyes, feeling fatigue start to come over him.

"Night, Riza."


	27. Intricate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her pain wasn't intricate.

At first, Roy hadn't been sure what he was looking at.

Riza had told told to follow her up to her room after the funeral, explaining that it was there that she could show him the secrets to flame alchemy that he needed to know. The choice of her words had struck him as odd - the word "could" suggested to him that her room was the only place that he could see these notes in - why not the living room or even his room? He figured it was all on paper, anyway; couldn't he just take them to either one of those places? At the time, he had decided not to press it, chalking it up to one of Riza's eccentricities that had made him so fond of her.

It was once they had entered her room, Roy closing the door behind him, that he realized the meaning behind her word choice.

He hadn't known what he was seeing at first because Roy's mind had been trying to fully understand two things: His former teacher's daughter was topless in front of him (granted, only her back was being shown to him, but still) and there was something red marking her back. Something red and curved and oh. _Oh_. Once he fully realized that this red, curved marking was an array, the array that would complete his knowledge of flame alchemy, and that it had been tattooed onto Riza's back, he couldn't stop looking at it.

With fascination was how he initially reacted to it, looking at the array with wide, curious eyes. It was amazingly intricate, the pattern itself looking as if it had taken precise moves to copy. Roy found it hard to believe that his teacher, who had been ailing and rather weak in the months before he died, had been able to draw it so perfectly.

It was with that thought that fascination suddenly met utter horror, remembering with an almost physical start that it wasn't _drawn_ on, but tattooed. It was a permanent marking on Riza Hawkeye's skin, one she could never destroy.

Roy had honestly wanted to slap himself, he was that taken aback with how he'd been thinking.

He hadn't thought to ask if she was OK, hadn't even started to wonder how she must have felt about this - not just about the fact that she was topless in front of the boy who had been her father's student - and her friend - for years, but about everything. About her father using her like that, about it all. No, what he had done was ogle her like her back wasn't a part of a living, breathing person, like he was simply viewing the pattern on a piece of paper. Roy realized that, in that way, he was no better than Riza's father; looking at Riza not as a human with her own feelings and thoughts, but only as a scrap of paper. A means to an end.

He refused to do that, not again, anyway. Not to Riza, who deserved so much better and who Roy was fairly certain he had fallen in love with. She deserved his respect, not his selfish want to obtain secrets.

His footsteps were barely audible as he walked closer to Riza, hesitating before placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. He heard her breath hitch under his touch, yet she didn't flinch. Not daring to move his hand any lower, Roy's voice was a guilt filled whisper as he spoke.

"I'm sorry, Riza...you didn't...I should have..." She didn't want? Deserve it? He should have what? Protected her? Both these things were true, but Roy was desperately afraid that any apologies or regrets he had would be too little too late, the fire truck arriving at a house that had already burned to the ground. Even though his mind was swimming in his conflicted emotions, he pressed on.

"...He shouldn't have done this. Marking you like this...I can't imagine how...h-how it was for you. Riza...Riza, I'm so sorry, I-" his words had been cut off by Riza suddenly turning around under his loose grip, her shirt falling as she gripped the back of Roy's jacket tightly. As his hands slowly went to hold her shaking body against his, hearing her breathing go uneven due to her sobbing, he realized that all the pain Riza had harbored because of the tattoo wasn't intricate at all.

It was simple, raw, and heartbreakingly real.


	28. Jolt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She'd always been a cautious woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said these old chapters could get bad? This is one of them imho.

Riza Hawkeye wasn't the type of person to let her guard down easily. She'd always been a cautious woman, and the fact that her job required her to always be on her toes meant she had little room to relax, if any at all. Even during times where little danger was present, she never looked at peace, never seemed to completely let herself be at ease. There was always a hard edge in her eyes, a look that told anyone that she was seconds away from grabbing her gun and doing whatever it took to protect the people she cared about. She had no qualms with this part of her personality- this was who she was. This was what made her Riza Hawkeye, and just one of the small parts of her that had endeared her to so many.

More specifically, what had endeared her to Roy Mustang.

Roy loved her deeply, had probably loved her since they were teenagers but didn't quite realize it until a while after the war. Oh, but he was fully aware now. Fully aware that his love went beyond the kind of love you would have for a sibling or a friend, that the sort of love he had for her would get them both in trouble if he ever showed even a fraction of it at the wrong time. So, until the day that he could make the two of them untouchable from the laws and give her the kind of happy future she'd mentioned after her father's passing, he'd have to settle for quietly cherishing any moment he had with her and keeping her safe when he could. While the fact that she seemed to possess an abundance of dedication was something he admired and respected about her, there were times when Roy just wanted to see her relax, for her to finally be at peace for just a few moments.

One of those times, for instance, was tonight.

It was late- a quarter to one in the morning, and it appeared they wouldn't be getting back to Central for another hour or so. They'd already been traveling in this train for the past five hours, having had to go to a faraway town to get information about a case. Roy was getting exhausted, and he knew that Riza was feeling the same way; he'd already caught her nearly dozing off twice, only to see her head snap up and her eyes focus on the window in a vain attempt to keep herself awake. He looked at her half lidded eyes with a sigh, deciding to call her out on what she was doing.

"You should rest, Lieutenant," Roy said, tone formal with just the softest edge around it to let her know that he was getting concerned. "We won't be getting back in town for a while, after all."

He watched as she seemed to think about his words, frowning when she shook her head and turned her gaze back to the window. "I have to protect you, sir. I would rather be killed myself then have you be executed in your sleep because I couldn't protect you. You get some rest, colonel- I'll be fine," was her reply, which only made slight annoyance bubble up in his chest. Still, he knew Riza well enough to know that she was one of the most stubborn people he had ever known, and to also know that, when it came to her want to protect him, she would sacrifice anything to ensure his life would be as long as possible. Giving a slight nod, he decided to follow her words and closed his eyes. He had just barely dozed off, however, when he felt a sudden pressure on his shoulder, causing him to jolt awake and look to see what it was. His surprise was then changed to a slight amusement when he saw what it was.

Riza, either on accident or on purpose, had seemed to fall asleep, her head coming to rest on his shoulder as she rested. Roy took the rare opportunity of having his subordinate so close to him to examine her features, especially since they were so relaxed. Her mouth was slightly agape as she breathed softly, an action he distinctly remembered she'd also done as a kid when she would fall asleep on the nights he studied in her room. Her hands were resting on her lap, turned in a way that her palms were slightly up and he could see the calluses that marred her otherwise perfectly smooth, ivory skin. If it hadn't been illegal for him to do so, and if he was sure that doing so wouldn't cause her to wake up, Roy would have taken one of her hands, would have gently stroked her palm and the outside of her hand to feel the warmth of her skin. He shook his head as more romantic thoughts came racing into his mind, reminding himself that it would still be a while before he could even try to plan for those thoughts to become reality. It was then that he noticed that Riza's hair was still up in its usual style, a grin forming onto his face as he thought of what he could do. He couldn't just leave her hair like that, after all- he had to make sure his subordinate could rest comfortably, right? He casually yet slowly reached behind her head and took her hair out of its clip, putting it in his jacket pocket for later. His hand lingered on her hair for just a few moments longer than necessary, trying to imprint the feeling of Riza's hair into his senses in case he ever needed to be reminded of it. After a few seemingly long moments, Roy finally put in hands back in his lap, taking another look at her expression and smiling softly before closing his own eyes. Just before falling asleep, he swore to himself that he'd see that expression again.

The next time, though, he'd be the one to put it on her.


	29. Heart (A change of pace)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These two precious people had stolen his heart.

For as long as he could remember, Riza has always been connected to Roy. While they were two very different people, and would oftentimes find themselves arguing despite the bond they had formed over 20 plus years, they are still connected by things much bigger than any opinions they may disagree on.

They're connected by meek handshake they shared when they first met years back, when Riza could hardly look him in the eyes due to how shy she was around strangers. Even now, he still noticed this hesitance towards people she didn't know well, how she would make eye contact less than she normally did, how the timbre of her voice would become softer in such an unnoticeable way that Roy was one of the few who could pick up on it. It never took long before her eyes would lift and her voice would go back to its usual unbreakable tone, but for just a few moments, Roy could see the girl he'd left behind for the military all those years ago, not the woman who asked if she remembered him in Ishval.

They're connected by the notes on Riza's back that Roy still harbors regrets for all these years later. Even now, he'll still have vicious nightmares about the one and only time he ever used his alchemy against her, always waking up with a pounding heart and the need to see her, to hear her right that instant or else he'd go crazy. He knew he'd never not feel terrible about hurting her, the constant reassurance that she'd wanted him to burn the history of flame alchemy off of her never settling his fear or the waves of nausea his nightmares would always leave him with. Every part of it made him sick to think about, and he knew that he'd spent the rest of his life trying his hardest to make sure the pain she went through wasn't in vain. If flame alchemy had easily helped destroy a country like Ishval, then he would use the reputation he'd gained from it to help build it back up.

Roy and Riza were connected by too many strings in their life, some good and others bad, but he'd never cut any of them loose. Neither of them could deny their history, but to change any part of this history would be to change the undeniable chemistry they shared now, and no part of him had a desire to change that.

Besides, if he did, that would mean possibly changing the most precious thing they had connecting them together now: their soon to be born child.

It had been about seven months since they'd found out Riza had been pregnant with their first child for nearly two months before then, and they knew at any moment their child would decide that it wanted to finally meet them and a quiet day would soon become one they would celebrate for the rest of their lives.

Tonight was another night where Roy's thoughts kept him awake, but he never minded those nights since Riza became his wife, a permanent part of the other side of their bed. Even if she was sleeping, she always had a way of making him feeling at ease, and he found himself being reassured in the thought that everything would be OK when he looked at her. A soft look down at her stomach not only repeated this notion, but confirmed it in his mind.

Roy's eyes made their way from Riza's stomach to her chest, where he could just barely see the skin where her heart laid underneath jump ever so slightly. Truthfully, the fact that her own heart was still beating was a miracle in and of itself, so to know that she was also housing another person who was created by their love and who also had their own heartbeat was something he would never be able to put into words.

Softly, Roy found himself pressing his lips to where Riza's heart rested inside her, hoping that she wouldn't wake up by this sudden action. When she showed no signs of stirring, he gently pressed his lips to her stomach, trying to at least find where his unborn child might be. Sure, it wouldn't be their heart, but the sentiment was there nonetheless.

All three of them were connected, and these two precious people had stolen his heart. They always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a year since this was last updated, and I can only blame graduating high school, trying to find work, and becoming Steven Universe trash. I want to bring this fanfiction back, but I'm not too sure where I want to go from here. Chances are the title of this collection of one-shots will end up being renamed, as well as my ABC order format, so look out for that if you're still interested in reading this. That's why the main title of this one-shot (at least here on FF) is what it is- I need a change of pace for this "series". I want to thank those who are reading this for being patient, and I promise it will pay off soon. Have a good one!


	30. Thankful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wasn't used to such high praise.

Riza had become accustomed to the fact that all of the things she did around the house were thankless jobs. She didn't expect those two words from her father at this point, nor did she even expect him to notice that there was any reason for him to utter them. After her mother died, when he suddenly threw himself into work and she found herself having to take care of them both at the age of ten, those first few times something she did for him was met with silence stung more than any cut she'd ever received, but just as her cuts would scab over, so did her feelings, until she didn't even wait for a reply after bringing something to him. Hesitating or lingering where she wasn't wanted would only hurt her more, in both an emotional and physical sense (along with becoming more withdrawn, Master Hawkeye had become much more temperamental, and oftentimes the only times he ever turned his attention to Riza was to lay his hands on her if he felt her presence was particularly annoying that day).

It wouldn't be for another six years, not too long after Roy Mustang came to study alchemy, that Riza would hear those words in her own home again.

It was an unseasonably cold night for late September, and the stars seemed to be crying, maybe mourning the warm summer weather, as heavy rain poured outside. The house's insulation was terribly lacking, something that Riza had neglected to tell Roy out of the assumption that she wouldn't have to for several more months, and she couldn't help but feel guilty about that. As an apology (an apology only she knew she was giving him), Riza made him a hot cup of coffee, slowly and carefully going up the stairs to his room so it wouldn't spill.

She cracked a small smile at the sight of Roy huddled on his chair, his feet and arms the only things uncovered in the mountain of blankets from his bed that he had managed to wrap himself in, his focus on his work still strong despite the nippy temperature.

Riza silently left the cup on his desk, turning towards the door without hesitation out of habit, forgetting for a moment that Roy wasn't her father.

She remembered immediately, however, as soon as he spoke.

"Oh, thank you, Ms. Hawkeye."

She froze right then, one hand hovering over the doorknob as she registered what had been said.

"It's no trouble, Mister Mustang," Riza murmured, grateful that her back was already to him so that he couldn't see just how surprised she was over his words, those words that were so common to him, words that were so precious to her in a way that he would never understand. She hurriedly left the room, shaking her head as she felt the beginning of tears prick her eyes, brought on by the feeling of pure happiness she felt deep in her chest.

_'Someone tells you thank you and you're ready to cry? How pathetic can you get?'_ , her thoughts admonished, wiping her eyes and finding some busy work to keep her mind off of the experience.

And yet, in that moment, she felt that long forgotten scab inside her start to bleed.

The longer he stayed, the more those words or something akin to them were said to her, and the less extreme her reactions became. Just like underexposure had made her used to silence, this sudden amount of being thanked, of being acknowledged, got her too used to companionship, to having someone there to talk to.

In the back of her mind, Riza knew that Roy couldn't stay forever. Sooner rather than later, he'd have to leave, and her scab would return, and she'd only be worse off for it, because she'd tasted being needed, being acknowledged for how hard she worked and how much she did.

Those potentially harmful thoughts stayed in the deepest part of her subconscious, however, a practice she knew wasn't the greatest if she was ever going to cope in a healthy way to being left by herself when that day came. She lived moment to moment, the parts of her day when she got to hear those words of appreciation being the ones she made sure to remember vividly.

If she could just keep those moments locked into her memory, Riza figured, maybe it would dull the pain of him leaving.

At least, so she hoped.


	31. Dominant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy was used to dominant women.

Roy had grown up in a household of dominant women. From his aunt all the way down to his adoptive sisters, these women spoke their minds, took no bullshit from anyone, and didn't really care who knew it. By the time he left home to study alchemy at the age of 18, he knew exactly how to handle outspoken, boisterous women; let them talk, and agree whenever possible. He wasn't sure what type of women (or, really, the type of people) he'd be encountering in this new, small town, but surely he would be prepared.

As soon as he encountered Riza Hawkeye for the first time, however, he knew almost immediately that she wasn't anything he could have prepared for.

She was the exact opposite of the type of women he'd lived with all his life - she was shy, soft-spoken, a girl with a light step whose footsteps he sometimes had to strain to hear and eyes that always betrayed her emotions, something he figured she must not have been aware of with how many times she would reassure him she was fine when her gaze told a different story. The first few days he was there, Roy tried not to take is personally - after all, she was three years his junior; it was possible she felt intimidated by this older, new person in her house. As those days turned into weeks, which soon turned into one full month, however, and she was still displaying this meekness, the dark haired boy had to face the facts - this was just her personality. He honestly hadn't wanted that to be true, not because he didn't like her (despite how quiet she was, he found her presence refreshing, and she really did give off an aura of sweetness that made Roy just want to pick her up and hug her), but because it forced him out of his comfort zone when it came to interacting with girls. Where he could be rough with his sisters, he had to apply a softer approach with Riza; she was demure when they would've been bold, and Roy had to learn to account for that.

Just when he thought he had this girl all figured out, she decided to throw him a curve-ball just four months into his stay at the Hawkeye household.

Riza Hawkeye did, indeed, have a side of her that was far different than the one she'd presented all this time - the way she showed this, though, was also different than how her house-guest was used to (leave it to her to still be contrary, even when Roy was discovering a common ground between her and his sisters).

She showed it in how her eyes seemed to come alive when Roy would tease her, almost like she wanted to retort with an equally playful comment, only for her mouth to twitch ever so slightly as if she were literally biting her tongue to keep from responding. She would hesitate for a moment before responding, her words always coming out like water even though her eyes blazed like fire just a few moments before. Of course, there were times that some lukewarm comments would come from her; not exactly cool, but still not blazing hot, and it was those replies that made him wonder just why she seemed to choose her words so carefully, why she was so reluctant to join in on the playful banter.

He soon found out the hard way.

It was an argument he wasn't meant to hear; he'd left earlier that day to run some errands for Riza, who he knew was still fighting off the last remnants of a nasty cold and who he wanted to help out. Roy could only guess they'd thought he would be gone longer (or maybe this argument had been raging since he left, he'd never know), and he came in just in time to hear a voice coming from Master Hawkeye's bedroom that he'd never heard raised, that he'd thought he'd never hear raised like that.

Riza's.

He couldn't really make out what she was saying, and he wasn't about to move from his spot in the downstairs living room to find out, but he could tell just how completely frustrated she was by tone and volume alone. That was the first time he found himself frozen in fear by the sound of the younger Hawkeye's voice, a fear that mostly sprouted from concern over the girl's well-being.

A concern that only grew when her voice was suddenly cut off by a loud thud, quickly followed by a voice he'd heard raised too many times for his liking (although it was usually directed at him after messing up an important lesson) - Master Hawkeye.

Roy, like with the younger Hawkeye, couldn't make out exactly what his teacher was saying, but a few key words and phrases came through loud and clear - 'stupid girl', 'worthless', 'how _dare_ you speak to me like that'. However the argument had started (a hole in this situation that Riza would never fill in for him, even well into their adulthood), Master Hawkeye's temper had ended it, and it was just a few minutes later that the door to his bedroom was opened. Riza emerged from it, her eyes obviously filled with tears even from where Roy stood and one of her hands rubbing the back of her head. While her legs were walking her towards her bedroom door, her eyes found themselves darting to exactly where the young alchemy student stood, and she froze completely as her face took on a myriad of expressions - shock was first, followed soon by realization, before pure shame and embarrassment finally took hold, those emotions coating her face like pancake makeup. A hundred different questions and phrases of comfort swam around in his head, and he easily could have snatched one and made it leave his lips, but he found that...impersonal somehow. Anyone could have told her she would be OK, anyone could ask her what happened, and while he wanted to be the one to do both, Roy wasn't sure if Riza would believe it. Her expression, after all, told him that she didn't want to talk about it, and that she didn't believe in that moment that she would really be OK.

She didn't want pity, he realized. She wanted to be understood, for someone to acknowledge that she'd just been hurt by someone who was supposed to care about her too much to want to lay a finger on her and that she had someone who would be there for her, to listen.

Never breaking his gaze from her's, Roy walked up the stairs to reach her, a pang of sadness going right into his heart at the sound of her breath hitching as he lifted his hand towards her, like she was expecting him to hurt her, too.

Without a word, his hand gently took the one Riza had on the back of her head, holding it a few moments longer than was needed before letting it fall to her side. His own hand soon took up the task of cradling her head, his fingers lightly running over the bump that was already forming, and he hoped his gaze communicated everything he wanted to put into words, but simply didn't trust the strength of his own voice to say.

A grunt of surprise left Roy when Riza suddenly wrapped her arms around his middle, his hands lifting up slightly before settling back down onto her body, one still holding firm to the injury on her head like he was trying to protect it (and, by extension, Riza herself) from further harm.

It was that moment that made Roy realize why Riza's tongue was always so placid, why she never dared to let loose any quips she might have.

Talking back had the consequences of verbal abuse, of being literally pushed around by anyone who might see that as a solid punishment, and she didn't dare risk anyone having the same temperament as her father.


	32. Trypanophobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trypanophobia, or fear of needles.

To say Riza wasn't very fond of needles was a gross understatement. On a good day, she could keep her panic hidden behind a grimace as she listened to that day's fresh pain being prepared, clutching at the sheets of her father's bed and praying that she would pass out to spare herself the agony. On a bad day, of which she tended to have more of, she would break down in full-blown sobs, begging for a day's respite from the carving and itching and fresh heat that exploded like fireworks on her back. Most of the time, her cries were ignored, but sometimes she would catch a hoarse, mumbled apology before hell started all over again.

Years of growth and maturity didn't make this fear go away. Riza's bad days were just as bad, her good just as tolerable. It was almost silly, if you were an outsider looking in, the idea of a lauded military sniper could be so shaken by a needle. It was silly, to those who didn't know what she carried on her back.

To those who weren't Roy Mustang.

He'd seen firsthand how much scarring still remained from her father's actions, in every sense. Back before he knew just how far Master Hawkeye would go in the name of his research, Roy had to take a then 17 year old Riza to the hospital after a dinner prep accident caused a severly deep cut on her inner arm, close to her veins. The alchemy student noted the flash of fear in her eyes at the mention of stitches, the uninjured hand at her side beginning to tremble when the doctor began preparing for the minor procedure.

She hadn't cried, screamed, or outright refused the doctor's care, but the look of pure panic in her eyes and the shaking that overtook her body were dead giveaways on how uncomfortable she was. Roy's hand found her's with ease, holding it tightly and running his thumb along her knuckles in an attempt to distract and calm her. The look of unending gratitude she gave him had been enough to increase the speed of Roy's heart, and he didn't release her hand until they were nearly back home.

Even now, he noticed how visibly uncomfortable she got anytime IVs were involved, no matter who they were intended for. Roy wished he could still just grab her hand and never let go whenever he noticed the near imperceptible shift in her mood. Instead, he let his gaze soften towards her, and that single empathetic, understanding look was enough to calm her nerves.

To Riza, it didn't matter how Roy showed his compassion towards her and her phobia. The fact that he was able to truly understand was more than enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, it's been a hot minute, huh? Yeah, honestly both life and just feeling unmotivated has been delaying this, not to mention this is the first thing I've liked that I've written for this in AGES. Anyways. Update today AND tomorrow because I'm crazy.


	33. Honorable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy has never been able to go back on his promises easily, especially not when they involve her.

Roy had been brought to honor his promises. He didn't like letting people down if he could help it, and he'd always taken pride in that. No matter what others might have thought of him, they couldn't say he didn't keep to his word. Even if he got burned in the process, he wanted to do all he could for others, especially those he cared the most about.

This was the one and only time he wished he had the spine to break one.

_"I want you to burn it. Deface my back and set me free from my father's burden."_

His heart bled looking at the woman who had so strongly supplicated him just hours before, her eyes once full of a contained grief and sorrow that he had no choice but to promise her that he would do it. Riza was curled uncomfortably into herself on the makeshift bed Roy had supplied her, her wrappings slowly turning a russet color. She was sleeping, as far as he could tell, yet her body would occasionally jerk involuntarily and bring her out if only for a few moments. His hand gently reached out to the side of her head, tenderly stroking her sweat-soaked hair as another tremor seized her body, hoping it might coax her into a more natural rest.

Roy had never been able to deny her easily, not even in their younger years. Not when she so firmly held his heart in her hands and had for years. Not when she wordlessy communicated that his refusal wouldn't mean she would stop finding ways to rid herself of these secrets. Her stubborness would get herself killed if she had tried to do something that reckless.

'Maybe that was her intention," Roy thought bluntly, the idea that Riza Hawkeye would want to take her own life filling him with unimaginable grief. If this were true, it would be all his fault. He had talked so much bullshit about his childish dreams, had gotten to trust and believe and maybe even _love_ him enough to want to follow him into pure hell. Riza had always been so happy growing up, full of spirit and compassion. She could have easily become bitter or hateful given the circumstances of her childhood, but she had a strength and determination that had endeared Roy to her quickly.

He'd taken that and corrupted her. Made her fight battles that she shouldn't have had to fight and changed the course of her future forever. Even if she went back into civilian life after this was all over (something he instinctively knew wasn't going to happen), she wouldn't forget this, how could she? Roy would never forgive himself for being the syringe that injected the poison into her bloodstream, no matter how many times Riza told him it was OK.

Everytime he would change her bandages, her wounds would greet him, full of the anger and spite Riza never held for him. Their prescence alone mocked him, teased him everytime she would wake up in tears from lack of proper rest, from the pure _agony_ they put her through.

_'an honorable man, huh?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow became three days later because life BUT it's finally out and for ya'll to enjoy. Glad to see some of ya'll still like reading these little one-shots, and I'm happy to be back from time to time. Thanks for the reviews, and maybe consider leaving one since it really does make my day. See ya'll on the flip!


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